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Topic: Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? v.1

Topic: Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. with this view? v. 1
Nowadays, the question of whether extreme sports, like sky diving or skiing, should be banned or not has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this prohibition appears plausible in some ways, I agree with those think that extreme sports should be welcomed more. There are several reasons why vigorous sports should not be banned. First, since the original purposes of those sports have considered as survival skills. In fact, people have to learn how to move on ice and snow in many heavy-snow countries or pilots have to know how to parachute, which can save their lives when something unexpected happens. Second, by proliferating of protective equipment, such as brakes, helmets and pads. This means that players will be ensured to participate in extreme sports with little risks, which makes them feel safer when playing. It can be denied the positive effects of extreme sports brings us. Furthermore, if people want to expose their emotions such as anxiety or fear, It would be an effective way for them to challenge themselves. Plenty of evidence suggests that participating vigorous sports helps partakers reduce stress or frustrations, which brings them new experiences in their lives. Lastly, in order to increase their ability to stamina and solve sudden problems, people should engage in extreme sports. This means that every time people overcome their challenge, they also overcome their fear, which helps people become more confident and mature in any situations. In conclusion, on the whole based on the above discussion, I agree that vigorous sports should be encouraged instead of prohibiting.
Nowadays,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, like
Did you mean "skydiving"?
sky diving
or skiing, should
be banned
or not has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this prohibition appears plausible in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be welcomed
more.

There are several reasons why vigorous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should not
be banned
.
First
, since the original purposes of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have considered as survival
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
on ice and snow in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
heavy-snow countries or pilots
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
know how to parachute, which can save their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
when something unexpected happens. Second, by proliferating of protective equipment, such as brakes, helmets and pads. This means that players will
be ensured
to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel safer when playing.

It can
be denied
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
brings us.
Furthermore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to expose their emotions such as anxiety or fear, It would be an effective way for them to challenge themselves.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Plenty
of evidence suggests that participating vigorous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
partakers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
or frustrations, which brings them new experiences in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Lastly
, in order to increase their ability to stamina and solve sudden problems,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. This means that every time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
overcome their challenge, they
also
overcome their fear, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more confident and mature in any situations.

In conclusion
,
on the whole
based on the above discussion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that vigorous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be encouraged
instead
of prohibiting.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Topic: Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. with this view? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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