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In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v.27

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v. 27
As British population is aging, more and more elderly people need to resort to collective dwelling services. There is a public controversy over the issue whether it is the government’s responsibility to finance such care or the families ought to pay for this. From my point of view, a balanced approach is required depending on the personal circumstances of each household. On the one hand, there are two main cases when it would be more reasonable for the government to cover the expenses for British retirees. First, if working-age adults have low income, they simply cannot afford to pay for nursing home treatment of their parents. Second, families with two or more children have primary responsibility to provide their offspring with appropriate education. Were they to pay the bills for retirement homes, they would not be able to save enough money for college fees of their children. On the other hand, some British families are wealthy enough to support their older members. According to statistics, at least, 10% of British population belong to high-income families and would be able not only to settle a standard retirement domicile bill, but also to pay for individual care in a private old age residence. Such facilities provide luxury accommodation, 24-hour medical surveillance and even gourmet nutrition. This way, not only would the financial burden be partly taken off the government, but also the families would feel deeply satisfied that their elderly relatives are being cared after. In conclusion, from my perspective, a case-by-case approach ought to be adopted regarding nursing homes. For underprivileged families, it would be necessary to introduce government subsidies, while wealthy families need to be given a possibility to choose whether they pay for public or private nursing facilities.
As British population is aging, more and more elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to resort to collective dwelling services. There is a public controversy over the issue whether it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
responsibility to finance such care or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
ought to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for this. From my point of view, a balanced approach
is required
depending on the personal circumstances of each household.

On the one hand, there are two main cases when it would be more reasonable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to cover the expenses for British retirees.
First
, if working-age adults have low income, they
simply
cannot afford to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for nursing home treatment of their parents. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
with two or more children have primary responsibility to provide their offspring with appropriate education. Were they to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
the bills for retirement homes, they would not be able to save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money for college fees of their children.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are wealthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to support their older members. According to statistics, at least, 10% of British population belong to high-income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and would be able not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to settle a standard retirement domicile bill,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for individual care in a private
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age residence. Such facilities provide luxury accommodation, 24-hour medical surveillance and even gourmet nutrition. This way, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
would the financial burden be partly taken off the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
would feel
deeply
satisfied that their elderly relatives are
being cared
after.

In conclusion
, from my perspective, a case-by-case approach ought to
be adopted
regarding nursing homes. For underprivileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, it would be necessary to introduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
subsidies, while wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a possibility to choose whether they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for public or private nursing facilities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v. 27

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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