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Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? v.3

Many people believe that extreme sports might be dangerous as well as risky and should be banned. I believe that such extreme sports dangerous but is also definetly a breath taking and exciting. We cannot remain to the ground to remain safe. Accidents can happen anywhere at anytime. So, I disagree with the view that it should be banned. Sports are either basic or extreme. Its the source through which a person remains healthy, fit and happy. It is true that extreme sports is dangerous than the basic ones but I also believe it excites us the most and it is our responsibility to follow the rules that are marked during such extreme sports. There are a certain marked rules for everything in our lives such as traffic rules. If not followed properly accidents happen. Everything must be in order to avoid negative things. So, its not that we need to remain still and not do anything if there is risk. New challenges and risk is something that helps a person move forward in their life. I think that a basic life never excites you. Also, during the old age times, it is a memory that we carry along throughout our lives. Risk is everywhere around us. Also in a simple business, there are risk in the share market, but it doesnot mean we should avoid investing. For the betterment there is always a specific law and survey taken if it is worth implimenting. So mostly it is safe. However as said before accidents never come with an invitation. Its we who need to be aware and follow the path assigned. In the other hand, banning is something that is for the betterment of the society. However, I dont think that extreme sports is a major problem in the society. In conclusion, I believe that banning something isn't the solution for something. Its the person, laws and the rules that avoid dangerous situations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
might be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
as well
as risky and should
be banned
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is
also
Possible spelling mistake found.
definetly
a
This word is normally spelled as one.
breath taking
and exciting. We cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remain
to the ground to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remain
safe. Accidents can happen anywhere at anytime.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I disagree with the view that it should
be banned
.

Sports are either basic or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
.
Did you mean “it’s” (short for ‘it is’) instead of ‘its’ (possessive pronoun)?
Its
the source through which a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remains
healthy, fit and happy. It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
than the basic ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
it excites us the
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
most and
it is our responsibility to follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
that
are marked
during such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. There are a certain marked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
for everything in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
such as traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
not followed
properly
accidents happen. Everything
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be in order to avoid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
things.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
Did you mean “it’s” (short for ‘it is’) instead of ‘its’ (possessive pronoun)?
its
not that we need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remain
still
and not do anything if there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.

New challenges and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward in their life. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a basic life never excites you.
Also
, during the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age times, it is a memory that we carry along throughout our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Risk
is everywhere around us.
Also
in a simple business, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
in the share market,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesnot
mean we should avoid investing. For the betterment there is always a specific law and survey taken if it is worth
Possible spelling mistake found.
implimenting
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
mostly
it is safe.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
as said
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
accidents never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with an invitation. Its we who need to be aware and follow the path assigned. In the other hand, banning is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
that is
for the betterment of the society.
However
, I
Possible spelling mistake found
dont
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is a major problem in the society.

In conclusion
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
isn't the solution for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
.
Did you mean “it’s” (short for ‘it is’) instead of ‘its’ (possessive pronoun)?
Its
the person, laws and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
that avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
situations.
What do you think?
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  • This writing has blown my mindWow
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  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. with this view?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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