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Topic: Employers should give their staff at least a 4-week holiday a year to make employees better at their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Topic: Employers should give their staff at least a 4-week holiday a year to make employees better at their jobs. v. 1
Travelling and exploring new attractions is the most excited time in everyone's life. Particularly, in some nations, young ones are being encouraged to travel or work for 12 months between school and beginning university studies. This essay will discuss the advantages of this particular trend similarly, shadowing the disadvantages. To begin, taking time off and travelling will have many positive outcomes. As a result, this helps the individual to get relief from the stress and make them more healthy. Secondly, it also provides essential experience gained by exploring various work places in different countries. For instance, in a study conducted by XYZ it has been observed that young people are more likely to choose a career which suits them in their university studies. In this case, we can consider the example of Jon a famous renowned officer who had done his intern before joining a famous firm today which is famous worldwide. Furthermore, does the time off is really considered as a disadvantage? Some people might argue that there are not advantages and its just a waste of a point. Yes, there will be a loss for about one year, and a gap in the study, but with the knowledge and experience gained in cannot be replaced. On the other hand, it will help the person in the long term settle down in a particular career. Nevertheless, there is considerable loss of days and gap during studies, but the advantages mentioned can certainly overweigh the disadvantages from this trend. Overall, it can be left up to the individual to take the decision on which path to follow rather than making it mandatory by the government.
Travelling and exploring new attractions is the most excited time in everyone's life.
Particularly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, young ones are
being encouraged
to travel or work for 12 months between school and beginning university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. This essay will discuss the advantages of this particular trend
similarly
, shadowing the disadvantages.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, taking time off and travelling will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes.
As a result
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the individual to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relief from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more healthy.
Secondly
, it
also
provides essential experience gained by exploring various work places in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries.
For instance
, in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
conducted by XYZ it has
been observed
that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more likely to choose a career which suits them in their university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
In this case
, we can consider the example of Jon a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
renowned officer who had done his intern
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
joining a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
firm
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
worldwide.

Furthermore
, does the time off is
really
considered as a disadvantage?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might argue that there are not advantages and its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a waste of a point. Yes, there will be a loss for about one year, and a gap in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with the knowledge and experience gained in cannot
be replaced
.
On the other hand
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the person in the long term settle down in a particular career.

Nevertheless
, there is considerable loss of days and gap during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the advantages mentioned can
certainly
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
the disadvantages from this trend.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
up to the individual to take the decision on which path to follow
rather
than making it mandatory by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Topic: Employers should give their staff at least a 4-week holiday a year to make employees better at their jobs. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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