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Some people think that the use of animal for experimentation is cruel. Other think it is good for the development of science. Discuss the two sides and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that the use of animal for experimentation is cruel. Other think it is good for the development of science. Discuss the two sides and give your opinion. v. 1
Violent movies are believed by many people to be the major cause of severe social issues, such as hostility, depression, alienation, and many other mental health problems. This problem can be solved by certain measures that must be taken by governments and individuals. The increasing amount of violence in films nowadays is causing undeniable consequences to individuals who watch them constantly causing them to suffer in many ways. Firstly, some people show hostile behavior and start imitating the aggressive and violent acts they have seen in movies. For instance, they either turn into murderers or start bullying other people. Secondly, those who do not show their criminal intents tend to be affected in other ways. The amount of negativity shown in these movies can be transferred to the viewers leading them to depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems. Finally, in some severe cases, it might lead to extreme social anxiety as people feel a sense of impending doom, morbidity, and insecurity causing them to withdraw from society. Despite the aforementioned problems, there are steps that can be taken to eliminate them. Governments must enact laws to limit the amount of violence shown in movies. If the amount of violence in a movie exceeds the specified limit, the movie must be prohibited from being published anywhere. These laws should also be applicable to TV channels and online websites to stop broadcasting such films. Furthermore, families and school teachers should start warning adolescents about the dangers of watching such movies. Young people should be dissuaded from watching violent films. In conclusion, the exaggerated focus on hostility and aggression in a rising number of movies nowadays is detrimental to people’s health. It is a shared responsibility between governments and society members to curb this problem as soon as possible.
Violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be the major cause of severe social issues, such as hostility, depression, alienation, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
mental health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
can
be solved
by certain measures that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and individuals.

The increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of violence in films nowadays is causing undeniable
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "to". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences to
individuals who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
them
constantly
causing them to suffer in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
hostile behavior and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
imitating the aggressive and violent acts they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
.
For instance
, they either turn into murderers or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
bullying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Secondly
, those who do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their criminal intents tend to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of negativity shown in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
can
be transferred
to the viewers leading them to depression, anxiety, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
mental health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Finally
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
severe cases, it might lead to extreme social anxiety as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel a sense of impending doom, morbidity, and insecurity causing them to withdraw from society.

Despite the aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, there are steps that can
be taken
to eliminate them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
enact laws to limit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of violence shown in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of violence in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
exceeds the specified limit, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be prohibited
from
being published
anywhere. These laws should
also
be applicable to TV channels and online websites to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
broadcasting such films.
Furthermore
, families and school teachers should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
warning adolescents about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of watching such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be dissuaded
from watching violent films.

In conclusion
, the exaggerated focus on hostility and aggression in a rising number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
nowadays is detrimental to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health. It is a shared responsibility between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and society members to curb this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the use of animal for experimentation is cruel. Other think it is good for the development of science. Discuss the two sides and give your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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