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Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People who develop many different skills are more successful than people who just focus on only one skill. v.3

Topic: People who develop many different skills are more successful than people who just focus on only one skill. v. 3
The 20th and 21st centuries are characterized by all momentous changes they made in humans’ lives. Perhaps the most important milestone of these two centuries is the changes which they have made in science. There is no doubt that science has been developed dramatically and a lot of new fields of study have been created in recent decades. Besides, they have become perplexing(highly sophisticated) and intricate. A plethora of people are in the conviction that people should strengthen several abilities and have information about various subjects. Others, on the other hand, take a radically different point of view and allege that they should concentrate on a specific field and gain information about that profoundly. I am of the opinion that both of the mentioned viewpoints have their own merits and drawbacks, and following explanations will further elaborate on this perspective. Before the modern era, human beings did not have adequate information about their environment and it was possible to be aware of the all fields of science. Scientists had several titles in the past. For instance, Avicenna, One of the most famous Persian scientists, is known as a mathematician, physician, astronomer and philosopher. Conversely, nowadays, the amount of information which exists is incredibly high and constantly growing. The refreshingly noteworthy statistics revealed by a recently conducted research in the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) revealed that the amount of information doubles every four years. Consequently, it is not possible for a person to be knowledgeable enough in all fields. Even it is unlikely for a person to gain all information of one field. People have to use each other’s specialties in groups and don’t do not need to become an expert in all fields. That is why many people believe that scientists should concentrate on a specific field. Different fields of science are connected to each other/inextricably intertwined and form linked parts of a chain. For instance, medical sciences and electrical engineering seems completely irrelevant fields at the first glance; however, nowadays, doctors are dependent to on electrical equipment, mainly used for diagnostic purposes/diagnosis, which are designed and built by electrical engineers. Without these facilities, medical sciences were as capable as they were 2 centuries ago. Furthermore, engineers have to use the knowledge of doctors to develop these facilities. Therefore, they have no other choice but working together, and they need to know about each other’s fields to work together easiermore easily. In my personal opinion, it is impossible for two persons who does not have any information about each other’s capabilities to work together on a same issue. They need to be familiar with other one’s expertise rudimentarily. In short, all the aforementioned reasons lead us to the conclusion that although people should concentrate on and become proficient in a specific field, they ought to have rudimentary information about other fields. Admittedly, various fields of science depend on each other and can be used together to cause a propulsion in science and make the life more convenient for people and develop the knowledge of human about the cosmos; however, scientists should have deep information about their field of study and try to expand the borders of science in that field as well.
The 20th and 21st centuries
are characterized
by all momentous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
they made in humans’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Perhaps the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
milestone of these two centuries is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
which they have made in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
has
been developed
dramatically
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
of study have
been created
in recent decades.
Besides
, they have become perplexing(
highly
sophisticated) and intricate. A plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in the conviction that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should strengthen several abilities and have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about various subjects. Others, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, take a
radically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
point of view and allege that they should concentrate on a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
and gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about that
profoundly
. I am of the opinion that both of the mentioned viewpoints have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits and drawbacks, and following explanations will
further
elaborate on this perspective.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
the modern era, human beings did not have adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about their environment and it was possible to be aware of the all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Scientists
had several titles in the past.
For instance
, Avicenna, One of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Persian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
,
is known
as a mathematician, physician, astronomer and philosopher.
Conversely
, nowadays, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
which exists is
incredibly
high and
constantly
growing. The
refreshingly
noteworthy statistics revealed by
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "recently conducted research".
a recently conducted research
in the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) revealed that the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
doubles every four years.
Consequently
, it is not possible for a person to be knowledgeable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
. Even it is unlikely for a person to gain all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other’s
specialties in groups and don’
Double negatives are discouraged in standard English. Can you reformulate this phrase or is a comma missing?
t do not
need to become an expert in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
.
That is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
should concentrate on a specific field.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
are connected
to each other/
inextricably
intertwined and form linked parts of a chain.
For instance
, medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
and electrical engineering seems completely irrelevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
at the
first
glance;
however
, nowadays, doctors are dependent to on electrical equipment,
mainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for diagnostic purposes/diagnosis, which
are designed
and built by electrical engineers. Without these facilities, medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
were as capable as they were 2 centuries ago.
Furthermore
, engineers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the knowledge of doctors to develop these facilities.
Therefore
, they have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
working together, and they need to know about each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
to work together
Possible spelling mistake found.
easiermore
easily
. In my personal opinion, it is impossible for two persons who
Did you mean "do"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'persons' should be used.
does
not have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other’s
capabilities to work together on a same issue. They need to be familiar with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
one’s expertise
Possible spelling mistake found.
rudimentarily
.

In short, all the aforementioned reasons lead us to the conclusion that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should concentrate on and become proficient in a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
, they ought to have rudimentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
.
Admittedly
, various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
depend on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
together to cause a propulsion in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the life more convenient for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and develop the knowledge of human about the cosmos;
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
should have deep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of study and try to expand the borders of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
as well
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Topic: People who develop many different skills are more successful than people who just focus on only one skill. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
533 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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