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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: People who try to acquire more than one skill are more likely to become successful than people who just focus on one skill? v.1

: People who try to acquire more than one skill are more likely to become successful than people who just focus on one skill? v. 1
The world is changing at a rapid speed so are the worldly demands. In this developing age, it is believed that the effective method to assure kids' growth in its best possible way, is to encourage parents to enrol in parenting classes, necessarily. In my opinion, this statement has great weight. Today, is the age of technology. Children of this period are generally considered to be more modernised than their parents, therefore it is the need of the time that parents should be equipped with such methods of parenting that help them to meet the need of the new era. For instance, kids have more exposure to the world due to the digital gadgets which are readily available to them. This might lead kids towards the exposure of harmful material which is not appropriate in accordance with their age, there we feel the demand for parents to filter what information the kids are being familiar with. This states the significance of parenting courses to cope with such situation. Another perspective to pond on to that matter is that, kids of this century are more sensitive and somehow introvert. Parents need to be more skilful and knowledgeable to deal with such children in order to make them learn effective social skills, how to regulate their emotions in a productive manner, and to become an active citizen. In conclusion, i would like to state that the world is being modernised and revolutionised at a rapid rate that is why it has an increased demand for children of this age. As far as my view point is concerned, I agree with the idea of parenting sessions for parents, for the ensuring the best physical and mental growth of kids, because the future is in the hands of our coming generation and we really need to get them ready according to the worldly demands which will enable them to meet the expectations.
The world is changing at a rapid speed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
are the worldly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demands
. In this developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, it
is believed
that the effective method to assure kids' growth in its best possible way, is to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to enrol in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
classes,
necessarily
. In my opinion, this statement has great weight.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of technology. Children of this period are
generally
considered to be more
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernised' is British English.
modernised
than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
therefore
it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of the time that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
be equipped
with such methods of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of the new era.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
have more exposure to the world due to the digital gadgets which are
readily
available to them. This might lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
towards the exposure of harmful material which is not appropriate in accordance with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, there we feel the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to filter what information the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are being familiar with. This states the significance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
courses to cope with such situation.

Another perspective to pond on to that matter is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
of this century are more sensitive and somehow introvert.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be more
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
and knowledgeable to deal with such children in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them learn effective social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, how to regulate their emotions
Consider replacing "in a productive manner" with the adverb for "productive"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a productive manner
, and to become an active citizen.

In conclusion
,
Did you mean "I"?
i
would like to state that the world is being
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernised' is British English.
modernised
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'revolutionised' is British English.
revolutionised
at a rapid rate
that is
why it has an increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
for children of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. As far as my view point
is concerned
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
sessions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, for the ensuring the best physical and mental growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the future is in the hands of our coming
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
generation and
we
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them ready according to the worldly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demands
which will enable them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the expectations.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay : People who try to acquire more than one skill are more likely to become successful than people who just focus on one skill? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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