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some company think the best way to motivate and encourage worker to work hard is to pay them how much they produce and sell. do you agree or disagree? include any relevant examples based on your knowledge and experience. v.2

some company think the best way to motivate and encourage worker to work hard is to pay them how much they produce and sell. include any relevant examples based on your knowledge and experience. v. 2
Currently, our society believe that it is important to increase employees to make higher productivity and sell volume, the company should pay by quantity of produce and selling rates. I completely agree with this statement it brings more advantage rather than disadvantage for several reasons. In the one hand, the main benefit of this narration is to make employees give the best work and suggest to make progression career. It is because, workers will have plan to make their quality of work higher than before. For an example, many companies give bonus or salary rises to their labor that is can make the workers have job satisfaction, such as much manufacture company in south Korea. As an result, south Korea has a great dramatically rise their product and have many income to the company and give wealth to their nation from large productivity. In the second hand, several companies used hard financial regulation for labor. However, it makes many labors lazy to make progression, because they only paid for their salary. For an next example, UK has a great company produce which paid labor just for their job, not for their spirit. Finally, it makes many union been on strike in UK to protest the company, it is bad and will ruins company and nation productivity. To sum up, from where I stand it is already clear that is gives more merit that the demerit. I suggest that the company should give more paying system to pay the labor by how much they make product and sells.
Currently
, our society believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to increase employees to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
higher productivity and sell volume, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should pay by quantity of produce and selling rates. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement it brings more advantage
rather
than disadvantage for several reasons.

In the one hand, the main benefit of this narration is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
the best work and suggest to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
progression career. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, workers will have plan to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their quality of work higher than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. For an example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
bonus or salary rises to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
labor
that is
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the workers have job satisfaction, such as much manufacture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
in
Capitalize specific, well-defined geographical regions: "South Korea"
south Korea
. As
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
result,
Capitalize specific, well-defined geographical regions: "South Korea"
south Korea
has a great
dramatically
rise their product and have
Possible agreement error. The noun income seems to be countable; consider using: "many incomes".
many income
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
wealth to their nation from large productivity.

In the second hand, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
financial regulation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
labor
.
However
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
labors
lazy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
progression,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
paid for their salary. For
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
next
example, UK has a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
produce which paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
labor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for their job, not for their spirit.
Finally
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
union been on strike in UK to protest the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
and will ruins
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and nation productivity.

To sum up, from where I stand it is already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
more merit that the demerit. I suggest that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
more paying system to pay the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
labor
by how much they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
product and sells.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay some company think the best way to motivate and encourage worker to work hard is to pay them how much they produce and sell. include any relevant examples based on your knowledge and experience. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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