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Topic: As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.2

Topic: As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. v. 2
Nowadays, more and more company have action with the sole aim of maximizing profit. But in my opinion, if the companies want to achieve sustainable development they need to consider that social obligations are significant impotance, so i completely agree with that view. On the one hand, the business have much social responsibility about jobs could enhance their public image in labour and local people, there fore increasing compertitive world. Firstly, when they have a new project, branch or company on the local area they should provide a lot of positions for local people who might be losing land to live or career was replaced by new companies. For example, in my home town, there was a company which name is Nghi Son refinery and petrochemical where is centre in vietnam two years ago; they have received local people for different job to help them obtaining in good financial health; so council and everyone have been extremely pleased about that company. Secondly, if companies hope all their employees are absolutly dedicated and devote entirely intelligence in working they should create more benefited policies for worker. Example, employer could meet the changing needs of labours and having high-quality of employees such as: a pleased wages, holiday entitlement, maternity leave, pension scheme and fair competitive policies. On the other hand, if business do not want to go out of business they also should be deeply interested in environmental impact assessment. Nowadays, more and more company and industrial zones have been discharge chemical waste into river or sea, causing death to many fish and other aquatic animals. In addition, some companies have depleted natural sourses by cutting down trees without planting new trees to replace them. So each company should make more important discussion with government and local owner to have a positive impact on action rather than their presentations and commitments to environment. For example, the Fomosa company which is invest by taiwan last year, they disposeed of wast products from chemical process to “ Ha tinh” sea where is centre in Vietnam; if they have had positive responsibilities witth environment they would have not been lose imagination and reputation. In conclusion, while companies aim priority profit they also consider about social obiligation to grow further in business
Nowadays, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
have action with the sole aim of maximizing profit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in my opinion, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
want to achieve sustainable development they need to consider that social obligations are significant
Possible spelling mistake found.
impotance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that view.

On the one hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
have much social responsibility about jobs could enhance their public image in
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This word is normally spelled as one.
there fore
increasing
Possible spelling mistake found.
compertitive
world.
Firstly
, when they have a new project, branch or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
area they should provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
positions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who might be losing land to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
or career
was replaced
by new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
For example
, in my home town, there was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
which name is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nghi
Son refinery and petrochemical where is
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
vietnam
two years ago; they have received
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
job to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
The verb 'different' is used with an infinitive: "to obtain" or "obtain".
obtaining
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
financial health;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
council and everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
been
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
about that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
hope all their employees are
Possible spelling mistake found.
absolutly
dedicated and devote
entirely
intelligence in working they should create more benefited policies for worker. Example, employer could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the changing needs of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
and having high-quality of employees such as: a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "wage"?
wages
, holiday entitlement, maternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
, pension scheme and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
competitive policies.

On the other hand
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
do not want to go out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
they
also
should be
deeply
interested in environmental impact assessment. Nowadays, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and industrial zones have been discharge chemical waste into river or sea, causing death to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fish and other aquatic animals.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have depleted natural
Possible spelling mistake found.
sourses
by cutting down trees without planting new trees to replace them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
discussion with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
owner to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on action
rather
than their presentations and commitments to environment.
For example
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Fomosa
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
which is
Consider using a past participle here: "invested".
invest
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
taiwan
last year, they
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "disposed", the past tense form of the verb 'dispose'?
disposeed
of wast products from chemical process to
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
Ha
Possible spelling mistake found.
tinh
” sea where is
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
in Vietnam; if they have had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
responsibilities
Possible spelling mistake found.
witth
environment they would have not been
Consider using a past participle here: "lost".
lose
imagination and reputation.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
aim priority profit they
also
Did you mean simply "consider social"? You do not need the word "about" here.
consider about social
Possible spelling mistake found.
obiligation
to grow
further
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Mistakes

IELTS essay Topic: As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
375 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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