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As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. v. 4
Nowadays, cooperate industries social obligations has increased due to an increase in the competition in the market. In my viewpoint, companies should contribute to the social cause of the community. However, there are several reasons why primary industry objective is to earn a profit. The companies have few costs to be covered before they may share revenue in the community. These expenses, including staff salaries, operating cost, transportation expenses, etc. Furthermore, companies do advertisement for the promotion of the product, without marketing, companies would not be able to sell products, but marketing expenses are quite high. Consequently, if their business would run smoothly, the companies would be able to distribute money out of revenue to the social cause of the nation. On the other hand, industries should take social responsibility seriously. Companies can contribute to society through taxes as the government use taxes for the development of infrastructure, health centers, and education system, etc. Moreover, companies can support nonprofit organizations and help them to collect money from the public. For example: in Canada, big companies such as Walmart collect donations for the sick kid's foundation as well as CIBC collect donation for a cancer charity. These companies are well trusted by customers as they earned a lot of loyal clients, which help them to grow their business in the country, and even it boosts their reputation in society. If the companies stand for the social cause, they could receive tax deductions from the government, which can help them in profit-making. In conclusion, industries are facing fierce competition for survival in the economy, but they should take their social responsibilities, which can be proved beneficial for them.
Nowadays, cooperate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
obligations has increased due to an increase in the competition in the market. In my viewpoint,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
cause of the community.

However
, there are several reasons why primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
objective is to earn a profit. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have few costs to
be covered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they may share revenue in the community. These expenses, including staff salaries, operating cost, transportation expenses, etc.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
do advertisement for the promotion of the product, without marketing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
would not be able to sell products,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
marketing expenses are quite high.
Consequently
, if their business would run
smoothly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
would be able to distribute money out of revenue to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
cause of the nation.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
responsibility
seriously
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
can contribute to society through taxes as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
taxes for the development of infrastructure, health centers, and education system, etc.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can support nonprofit organizations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to collect money from the public.
For example
: in Canada,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
such as Walmart collect donations for the sick kid's foundation
as well
as
Possible spelling mistake found.
CIBC
collect donation for a cancer charity. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are well trusted by customers as they earned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
loyal clients, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to grow their business in the country, and even it boosts their reputation in society. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
stand for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
cause, they could receive tax deductions from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in profit-making.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
are facing fierce competition for survival in the economy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
responsibilities, which can
be proved
beneficial for them.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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