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As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

In the contemporary era, there is a heated argument over the issue that, some people think that enterprises have to make money. Where as, they should have social responsibilities. A lion's share of society favours it, however the rest of go adverse it. The following paragraphs would shed light on my personal perspective along wide an opt example. To begin with the central Idea of earn higher profits, there are myriad things in your favour. First and foremost, if businesses maximize their profits they will pay more taxes to the government. Therefore, secondly the authorities have more revenue to spend in healthcare, education and improve infrastructure for masses beneficial. Furthermore, companies that earn huge money profit, they can expand their production. As a result, it creates more job opportunities, which helps to unemployment society and rise their standard of living. On the flip side of coin, some critics go against the above discussed assertions. With the maximize profits companies should not harm environment. While, many factories did not have a proper industrial waste drainage for discharging the chemical wastes. They should install waste treatment systems for recycling rather than thrown into ponds and rivers. Moreover, big companies make huge profits should give their 10% from the firm's profit per annum to charities. For example, ITC stands for Indian tobacco company this company give their best such as offering scholarships for poor children to study in best school in numerous developing nations. Hammering the last nail, I am of the opinion that, companies should have some social responsibilities. Although, make profits is the main fundamental of their business.
In the contemporary era, there is a heated argument over the issue that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that enterprises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money.
Did you mean “Whereas”?
Where as
, they should have social responsibilities. A lion's share of society
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favours’ is British English.
favours
it,
however
the rest of go adverse it. The following paragraphs would shed light on my personal perspective along wide
After ‘an’, do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of ‘opt’ is correct. If ‘opt’ is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
an opt
example.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the central
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Idea
of earn higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
, there are myriad things in your
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favour’ is British English.
favour
.
First
and foremost, if businesses maximize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
they will pay more taxes to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Therefore
,
secondly
the authorities have more revenue to spend in healthcare, education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
infrastructure for masses beneficial.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
that earn huge money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
, they can expand their production.
As a result
, it creates more job opportunities, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to unemployment society and rise their standard of living.

On the flip side of coin,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
critics go against the above discussed assertions. With
After ‘the’, do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of ‘maximize’ is correct. If ‘maximize’ is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the maximize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should not harm environment. While,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factories did not have a proper industrial waste drainage for discharging the chemical wastes. They should install waste treatment systems for recycling
rather
than thrown into ponds and rivers.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
should give their 10% from the firm's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
per annum to charities.
For example
, ITC stands for Indian tobacco
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
give their best such as offering scholarships for poor children to study
A determiner is probably missing here: “in the best”.
in best
school in numerous developing nations.

Hammering the last nail, I am of the opinion that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social responsibilities.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
is the main fundamental of their business.
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The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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