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Excessive traffic has made cities unpleasant places to live and work in. For this reason, private cars should be completely banned from city centres. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Excessive traffic has made cities unpleasant places to live and work in. For this reason, private cars should be completely banned from city centres. v. 4
This is a universally acknowledged fact that traffic congestion becomes the major problem throughout the world. It is believed that private cars should be banned in the city centres to sort out the aforesaid problem. However, I completely disagree with this point of view. These points of view will be discussed in the forthcoming paragraphs. To begin with, everybody has the right to drive his own car. They usually spend some amount of money to buy cars to get privacy. For instance, if government pass such law then it may decline the privacy of the individual to great extent. So, it has unavoidable consequences for people who have purchased cars. Therefore, it is apparent that government should not implement this thought besides they have to provide well-equipped public transport so people can try to use buses, trains, streetcars whenever it is possible to them. That is why some people gravitate towards this point of view. Also, if people know that they cannot use their cars to reach their desired destination then obviously they would not spend money on buying cars. Thus, it may have an effect on the economy of the nation. In Addition, the employment rate will be boomed swiftly because of the lack of an automobile industry. what is more, individuals have to need to use their cars it case of a medical emergency to reach the hospital whether they live in the heart of a city. After analyzing the aforesaid points, it has been proved that government should not follow this thought as it has various disadvantages. Ideally, they can encourage to individuals for public transport to sort out such major problem.
This is a
universally
acknowledged fact that traffic congestion becomes the major problem throughout the world. It
is believed
that private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
should
be banned
in the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
to sort out the aforesaid problem.
However
, I completely disagree with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
of view. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
of view will
be discussed
in the forthcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, everybody has the right to drive his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
. They
usually
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
privacy.
For instance
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
pass such law then it may decline the privacy of the individual to great extent.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it has unavoidable consequences for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
Therefore
, it is apparent that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not implement this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
besides
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide well-equipped public transport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
buses, trains, streetcars whenever it is possible to them.
That is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gravitate towards this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
of view.

Also
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know that they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
to reach their desired destination then
obviously
they would not spend money on buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
Thus
, it may have an effect on the economy of the nation.
In Addition
, the employment rate will
be boomed
swiftly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of an automobile industry.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
what
is more, individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
it
Did you mean "cases"?
case
of a medical emergency to reach the hospital whether they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the heart of a city.

After analyzing the aforesaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
, it has
been proved
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not follow this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
as it has various disadvantages.
Ideally
, they can encourage to individuals for public transport to sort out such major problem.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Excessive traffic has made cities unpleasant places to live and work in. For this reason, private cars should be completely banned from city centres. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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