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As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. v. 1
Businesses have always sought to make profits but it is becoming increasingly common to hear people talk about the social obligations that companies have. I completely agree with the idea that businesses should do more for society than simply make money. On the one hand, I accept that businesses must make money in order to survive in a comparative word. It seems logical that the priority of any company should be to cover its running costs, such as employees wages and payments for buildings and utilities. On the top of these costs, companies also need to invest in improvements and innovations if they wish to remain successful. If a company is unable to pay its bills or meet the changing needs of the customers, any concerns about social responsibilities become irrelevant. In other words, a company can only make a positive contribution to the society if it is in a good financial health. On the other hand, companies should not be run with the sole aim of maximizing profits. They have a vital role to play in society. One social obligation that owners and managers have is to treat their employees wel, rather than exploiting them. For example, they could pay a living wage to ensure that the workers have a good quality of life. I also like the idea that businesses could use a proportion of their profits to support local charities, environmental projects and educative initiatives. Finally, instead of trying to minimise their tax payments by using accounting loopholes, I believe that company bosses should be happy to contribute to society through the text system. In conclusion, I believe that company should place as much importance on their social responsibilities as they do on their financial objectives.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Businesses
have always sought to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
profits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is becoming
increasingly
common to hear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
talk about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
obligations that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
should do more for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
than
simply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
money.

On the one hand, I accept that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
money in order to survive in a comparative word. It seems logical that the priority of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should be to cover its running costs, such as employees wages and payments for buildings and utilities. On the top of these costs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
also
need to invest in improvements and innovations if they wish to remain successful. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is unable to pay its bills or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the changing needs of the customers, any concerns about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
responsibilities become irrelevant.
In other words
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
contribution to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
if it is in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
financial health.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should not
be run
with the sole aim of maximizing profits. They have a vital role to play in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
obligation that owners and managers have is to treat their employees
Possible spelling mistake found.
wel
,
rather
than exploiting them.
For example
, they could pay a living wage to ensure that the workers have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality of life. I
also
like the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a proportion of their profits to support local charities, environmental projects and educative initiatives.
Finally
,
instead
of trying to
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
their tax payments by using accounting loopholes, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
bosses should be happy to contribute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
through the text system.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should place as much importance on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
responsibilities as they do on their financial objectives.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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