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As well as making money businesses also have social responsibilities To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

As well as making money businesses also have social responsibilities v. 1
These days more and more people are doing online shopping. Many commentators are of the view that it has more benefits than its drawbacks. The following paragraphs will examine the positive and negative aspects of online shopping. There are several advantages to shopping online. Firstly, the ability to buy any time that is convenient for you, as the web stores are open 24/7. Moreover, you do not need to spare some time for shopping as the product will be delivered at your doorstep. For example, if you want to have food, you can order online, and with the agreed time, you will get your food at your address. Secondly, a vast variety is available for practically impossible selection. Virtually nearly everyone visits one or two markets, but in online shopping, the sky is the limit for the items as from these range of things one can compare prices and select the best suitable from the pool. A good illustration of this is Ali Express, which has a lot of stuff with comparable prices for gifts, clothes, lifestyle and sports items. Despite these arguments, many people feel that shopping online has its drawbacks for several reasons. Fraud and security breach is the cause of concern for the buyers & sellers. The personal information of both the parties are at risk; someone can use this for its purposes. In addition to this, shopping online you do not have has the real feeling of the product, for example, you are buying clothes, but you cannot touch them. In conclusion, it must be said that the main advantage of shopping online saves time, cost and is convincing while the main disadvantage is the fraud and you cannot inspect the goods at the time of buying.
These days more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
commentators are of the view that it has more benefits than its drawbacks. The following paragraphs will examine the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping.

There are several advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
Firstly
, the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that is
convenient for you, as the web stores are open 24/7.
Moreover
, you do not need to spare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as the product will
be delivered
at your doorstep.
For example
, if you want to have food, you can order
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, and with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
your food at your address.
Secondly
, a vast variety is available for
practically
impossible selection.
Virtually
nearly
everyone visits one or two markets,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, the sky is the limit for the items as from these range of things one can compare prices and select the best suitable from the pool. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is Ali Express, which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
stuff with comparable prices for gifts, clothes, lifestyle and sports items.

Despite these arguments,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
has its drawbacks for several reasons. Fraud and security breach is the cause of concern for the buyers & sellers. The personal information of both the parties are at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
; someone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this for its purposes.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
you do not have has the real feeling of the product,
for example
, you are buying clothes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you cannot touch them.

In conclusion
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be said
that the main advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
saves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, cost and is convincing while the main disadvantage is the fraud and you cannot inspect the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of buying.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay As well as making money businesses also have social responsibilities v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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