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TOPIC An increasing number of professionals such as doctors and teachers are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries What problems does this cause What solutions can you suggest to deal with situation v.1

TOPIC An increasing number of professionals such as doctors and teachers are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries What problems does this cause What solutions can you suggest to deal with situation v. 1
In current society, it is considered that a democratic society needs to protect its citizens by paying social welfare. In my opinion, I agree that these payments coupled with constant control and regulation could be effective, given that it provides the basic necessities of life and minimizes the rate of poverty-related crimes. Firstly, the social welfare payments can provide some basic necessities of life such as food, shelter, and clothes. A case in point is those families who come to Canada as refugees and, mostly, they do not have money or even a place to stay at night. However, after applying for the social welfare program, the Canadian government can help them monthly, not only with an amount of money, but also with entry-level job positions to start a new life. Thus, without this help, the refugees would never have the capacity to survive in a new country. At the same time, the crimes related with poverty can be minimized through the social welfare payments. For example, although in Brazil there are still a lot of low income communities where the crime rate is impressively high, since 2010 the Brazilian government has performed a program known as “Bolsa Família” which pays a bi-weekly an amount of money per child per family. After this program implementation, the poverty-related crimes such as robbery decreased, given that the government support improved the life quality for those families. Hence, helping poor comunities with social welfare payments brings the possibility of minimizing crime occurrence. To conclude, these type of social payments could be effective, provided that the governments control intensively those programs and create specific laws. I strongly suggest to spread awareness campaigns to start intensifying the society education about the social welfare payments importance.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
society, it
is considered
that a democratic society needs to protect its citizens by paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payments
coupled with constant control and regulation could be effective,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that it provides the
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and minimizes the rate of poverty-related crimes.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payments
can provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
such as food, shelter, and clothes. A case in point is those families who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to Canada as refugees and,
mostly
, they do not have money or even a place to stay at night.
However
, after applying for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
, the Canadian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them monthly, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with an amount of money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
with entry-level job positions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Thus
, without this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, the refugees would never have the capacity to survive in a new country.

At the same time, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
related with poverty can
be minimized
through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payments
.
For example
, although in Brazil there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
low income communities where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate is
impressively
high, since 2010 the Brazilian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has performed a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
known as “
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bolsa
Possible spelling mistake found.
Família
” which pays a bi-weekly an amount of money per child per family. After this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
implementation, the poverty-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as robbery decreased,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
support
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
quality for those families.
Hence
, helping poor
Possible spelling mistake found.
comunities
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payments
brings the possibility of minimizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
occurrence.

To conclude
, these type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payments
could be effective, provided that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
control
intensively
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
and create specific laws. I
strongly
suggest to spread awareness campaigns to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
intensifying the society education about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "payments'" or "payment's"?
payments
importance.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TOPIC An increasing number of professionals such as doctors and teachers are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries What problems does this cause What solutions can you suggest to deal with situation v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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