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TOPIC An increasing number of professionals such as doctors and teachers are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries What problems does this cause What solutions can you suggest to deal with situation v.1

TOPIC An increasing number of professionals such as doctors and teachers are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries What problems does this cause What solutions can you suggest to deal with situation v. 1
In current society, it is considered that a democratic society needs to protect its citizens by paying social welfare. In my opinion, I agree that these payments coupled with constant control and regulation could be effective, given that it provides the basic necessities of life and minimizes the rate of poverty-related crimes. Firstly, the social welfare payments can provide some basic necessities of life such as food, shelter, and clothes. A case in point is those families who come to Canada as refugees and, mostly, they do not have money or even a place to stay at night. However, after applying for the social welfare program, the Canadian government can help them monthly, not only with an amount of money, but also with entry-level job positions to start a new life. Thus, without this help, the refugees would never have the capacity to survive in a new country. At the same time, the crimes related with poverty can be minimized through the social welfare payments. For example, although in Brazil there are still a lot of low income communities where the crime rate is impressively high, since 2010 the Brazilian government has performed a program known as “Bolsa Família” which pays a bi-weekly an amount of money per child per family. After this program implementation, the poverty-related crimes such as robbery decreased, given that the government support improved the life quality for those families. Hence, helping poor comunities with social welfare payments brings the possibility of minimizing crime occurrence. To conclude, these type of social payments could be effective, provided that the governments control intensively those programs and create specific laws. I strongly suggest to spread awareness campaigns to start intensifying the society education about the social welfare payments importance.
In
current
society, it
is considered
that a democratic society needs to protect its citizens by paying
social
welfare
. In my opinion, I
agree
that these
payments
coupled with constant control and regulation could be effective,
given
that it provides the
basic necessities
of
life
and minimizes the rate of poverty-related crimes.

Firstly
, the
social
welfare
payments
can provide
some
basic necessities
of
life
such as food, shelter, and clothes. A case in point is those families who
come
to Canada as refugees and,
mostly
, they do not have money or even a place to stay at night.
However
, after applying for the
social
welfare
program
, the Canadian
government
can
help
them monthly, not
only
with an amount of money,
but
also
with entry-level job positions to
start
a new
life
.
Thus
, without this
help
, the refugees would never have the capacity to survive in a new country.

At the same time, the
crimes
related with poverty can
be minimized
through the
social
welfare
payments
.
For example
, although in Brazil there are
still
a lot of
low income communities where the
crime
rate is
impressively
high, since 2010 the Brazilian
government
has performed a
program
known as “
Bolsa
Família
” which pays a bi-weekly an amount of money per child per family. After this
program
implementation, the poverty-related
crimes
such as robbery decreased,
given
that the
government
support
improved
the
life
quality for those families.
Hence
, helping poor
comunities
with
social
welfare
payments
brings the possibility of minimizing
crime
occurrence.

To conclude
, these type of
social
payments
could be effective, provided that the
governments
control
intensively
those
programs
and create specific laws. I
strongly
suggest to spread awareness campaigns to
start
intensifying the society education about the
social
welfare
payments
importance.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TOPIC An increasing number of professionals such as doctors and teachers are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries What problems does this cause What solutions can you suggest to deal with situation v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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