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Some people think that economic progress is the only way to measure countries success, while others think that there are other factors, which can be used to measure a countries success. What are these factors? And among them, which one is more important v.1

Some people think that economic progress is the only way to measure countries success, while others think that there are other factors, which can be used to measure a countries success. What are these factors? And among them, which one is more important v. 1
People living in cities have lost the sense of community probably due to hectic routine. It is commonly observed that they have to wake up early morning to reach the office and come back very late in the evening. They, in fact, get very limited time to interact even with family members so over the weekend they prefer to spend time with the family. Hence, they may not even see the people living next door. Moreover, a general trend amongst people nowadays is that they prefer to spend time alone, interacting with others on social media websites like Facebook and Instagram. This probably is more exciting and interesting to them compared to meet people in neighbourhoods Another reason for reduced interaction may be that in newly established housing societies, people migrate from several different areas of the country and are from different backgrounds. These people find it difficult to come out of their comfort zones to meet others. For example, they may not share mutual interests in politics, food so would preferably avoid seeing each other. The sense of community is an important factor as it is extremely difficult to live in isolation. It can be inculcated if individuals living in a locality have gatherings once in a week, where they can meet. It can a religious gathering just like Friday prayers for Muslims or in church every Sunday. Society can establish a board of elderly people who are in every house and mostly free, to organize get together. This can be in the form of a Hi-Tea or dinners, where every one`s attendance should be mandatory. This will probably improve the situation. In conclusion, there are a number of reasons for men becoming unsocial and it can be controlled by a group of men working together otherwise the isolation will increase at an alarming rate which has serious health consequences.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
living in cities have lost the sense of community
probably
due to hectic routine. It is
commonly
observed that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wake up early morning to reach the office and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
late in the evening. They, in fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited time to interact even with family members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
over the weekend they prefer to spend time with the family.
Hence
, they may not even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living
next
door.
Moreover
, a general trend amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays is that they prefer to spend time alone, interacting with others on social media websites like Facebook and Instagram. This
probably
is more exciting and interesting to them compared to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhoods' is British English.
neighbourhoods


Another reason for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
interaction may be that in
newly
established housing societies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
migrate from several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas of the country and are from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of their comfort zones to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
others.
For example
, they may not share mutual interests in politics, food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
would
preferably
avoid seeing each other.

The sense of community is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor as it is
extremely
difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in isolation. It can
be inculcated
if individuals living in a locality have gatherings once in a week, where they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
. It can a religious gathering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like Friday prayers for Muslims or in church every Sunday. Society can establish a board of elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are in every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and
mostly
free, to organize
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together. This can be in the form of a Hi-Tea or dinners, where every
The character between 'one' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "one’s" (curly apostrophe) or "one's" (straight apostrophe).
one`s
attendance should be mandatory. This will
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation.

In conclusion
, there are a number of reasons for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
becoming unsocial and it can
be controlled
by a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
working together
otherwise
the isolation will increase at an alarming rate which has serious health consequences.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people think that economic progress is the only way to measure countries success, while others think that there are other factors, which can be used to measure a countries success. What are these factors? And among them, which one is more important v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
311 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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