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TOPIC: An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with situation? v.1

TOPIC: An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with situation? v. 1
It is an unarguable fact that white-colored employees have been migrating to developed nations from their own developing countries or from poor countries. This could be because rich countries can offer a good paycheck as well as a better work environment for skilled migrants. As a result of this poor countries are affecting furthermore. However, by taking some measures nations can put this trend under check. First of all, migration of professionals can lead to potential job vacancies in niche technology industries, which is hard to fill by any other working citizens. For instance, the IT industry is suffering due to a lack of manpower in many countries. Apart from this, if there are no surgeons then providing high-end health care would be extremely difficult for any nation. On top of this, coming up with either new highways or building affordable homes will hit the grounds if there are no engineers or architects. As a result of these, there won’t be any development in poor countries and eventually, it will impact their economy. In order to overcome the mentioned problems, bureaucrats should start providing high paychecks especially to skilled professions. Governments should start thinking about providing a few other benefits such as tax exemptions, affordable health insurance plans for those who are seeking new job opportunities in other countries. On the other hand, officials can also provide few subsidies to the industries and encourage them to set up offshore development centers so that they can provide more secure jobs to the citizens. Loosing of talented workers will defiantly affect any country especially in terms of economy. Developing nations or poor countries should provide more flexibility and good salaries in order to keep them in the motherland. Otherwise, the migration trend will increase in the future as well.
It is an unarguable fact that white-colored employees have been migrating to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
or from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can offer a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
paycheck
as well
as a better work environment for skilled migrants.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are affecting
furthermore
.
However
, by taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
can put this trend under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, migration of professionals can lead to potential job vacancies in niche technology industries, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to fill by any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
working citizens.
For instance
, the IT industry is suffering due to a lack of manpower in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Apart from this, if there are no surgeons then providing high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
health care would be
extremely
difficult for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. On top of this, coming up with either new highways or building affordable homes will hit the grounds if there are no engineers or architects.
As a result
of these, there won’t be any development in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
eventually
, it will impact their economy.

In order to overcome the mentioned problems, bureaucrats should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
providing high paychecks
especially
to skilled professions.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
thinking about providing a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
benefits such as tax exemptions, affordable health insurance plans for those who are seeking new job opportunities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, officials can
also
provide few subsidies to the industries and encourage them to set up offshore development centers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can provide more secure jobs to the citizens.

Loosing of talented workers will
defiantly
affect any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
especially
in terms of economy. Developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should provide more flexibility and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salaries in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them in the motherland.
Otherwise
, the migration trend will increase in the future
as well
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay TOPIC: An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with situation? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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