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Topic 99: Although it is generally prohibited, corporal punishment persists in many families. Do you think corporal punishment is an acceptable way to regulate children’s behaviours? v.1

Topic 99: Although it is generally prohibited, corporal punishment persists in many families. Do you think corporal punishment is an acceptable way to regulate children’s behaviours? v. 1
Physical punishment is of concern for many researchers. A subject of broad interest is how physical punishments link to the internal and external influences that a child may be exposed to. Either from studies or people’s experience, the use of corporal punishment can cause short and long term effects on a child’s personality, identity and behaviour. Although many parents attempt to control the intensity of physical punishment, their behaviour, in many instances, increases the likelihood of causing remediless harm to their children. The distinction between discipline and abuse is hardly clear-cut, and there is no assurance that parents can control their discipline properly. Physical injury seems to be an inevitable result in most cases. For example, spanks are widely accepted by many parents as a method of discipline, but, unfortunately, most parents hit harder when children recommit the offence. Injuries are therefore well-documented. In addition to physical harm, corporal punishment has been considered as the facilitator of many kinds of emotional harms. For example, children who are exposed to intense and frequent physical punishment are more likely than their peers to suffer depression, unhappiness, anxiety and feelings of hopelessness. The accumulative effects of these problems have a profound influence over most survivors of physical punishment. They lose courage to venture and have no desire for being creative individuals, as they only try things their parents permit them to do. There are also some other negative outcomes, such as behavioural problems. Corporal punishment is perhaps not the sole factor responsible for delinquent behaviour among children, but there is no denying that it increases children’s tendency to act out and attack their siblings, peers or even parents. It is particularly true when children receive physical punishment, intensely. Even worse, victims of physical punishment might use violence as one of the main parenting methods when they become parents. It is a vicious cycle. In conclusion, physical punishment can affect a child’s life forever. It is imperative that every parent controls the extent to which they physically punish their children in order to avoid any negative behaviour problems.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is of concern for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
researchers. A subject of broad interest is how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
link to the internal and external influences that a child may
be exposed
to. Either from studies or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s experience, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
can cause short and long term effects on a child’s personality, identity and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
attempt to control the intensity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
, their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
instances, increases the likelihood of causing
Possible spelling mistake found.
remediless
harm to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The distinction between discipline and abuse is hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
, and there is no assurance that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can control their discipline
properly
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
injury seems to be an inevitable result
in most cases
.
For example
, spanks are
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as a method of discipline,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, unfortunately, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
hit harder when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
recommit the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
. Injuries are
therefore
well-documented.

In addition
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
harm, corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
has
been considered
as the facilitator of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of emotional harms.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are exposed
to intense and frequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
are more likely than their peers to suffer depression, unhappiness, anxiety and feelings of hopelessness. The accumulative effects of these problems have a profound influence over most survivors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
. They lose courage to venture and have no desire for being creative individuals, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
try things their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
permit them to do.

There are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes, such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
problems. Corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is perhaps not the sole factor responsible for delinquent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is no denying that it increases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
tendency to act out and attack their siblings, peers or even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. It is
particularly
true when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
,
intensely
. Even worse, victims of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
violence as one of the main parenting methods when they become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. It is a vicious cycle.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
can affect a child’s life forever. It is imperative that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
controls the extent to which they
physically
punish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in order to avoid any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
problems.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Topic 99: Although it is generally prohibited, corporal punishment persists in many families. Do you think corporal punishment is an acceptable way to regulate children’s behaviours? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
344 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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