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What are the important qualities of a good son or daughter? Have these qualities changed or remained the same over time in your culture? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

What are the important qualities of a good son or daughter? Have these qualities changed or remained the same over time in your culture? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Some argue that the excessive use of information technology has positive results. While others believe that it has some adverse effects on children's, however, these side effects can be minimised. But, I think computer skill is not only as a subject but are also helpful in other extracurricular. On the one hand, some students spend most of their time on computers by playing video games, watching movies and exploring social network sites may not be suitable for their age group. In addition to this, By sitting long hours in front of the computer, they have some Heath and eyes issues which may have a direct impact on their education. For example, The Tribune newspaper released that the children who are sitting more than 5 hours a day on the computer have obesity disease. Even, I believe if parents and teachers monitor their children activities, then this kind of impact can be minimised. On the other hand, information technology not only helps in enhancing subjects knowledge, but it also helps the students to make projects, image editing, presentations and craft. Moreover, Every student prefers online learning for their exam preparation, and with the help of information technology, students adapt to a modern approach to learning. For instance, information can be easily made available with sites named Google, Yahoo. This means students do not need to visit local libraries to locate information. So, I believe computers can increase children productivity. To conclude, Although an increasing use of computers has their drawbacks. I believe that it has led to many benefits to students and educational institutes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that the excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
technology has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results. While others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adverse effects on children's,
however
, these side effects can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimised' is British English.
minimised
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
as a subject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are
also
helpful in other extracurricular.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
spend most of their time on computers by playing video games, watching movies and exploring social network sites may not be suitable for their age group.
In addition
to this, By sitting long hours in front of the computer, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Heath and eyes issues which may have a direct impact on their education.
For example
, The Tribune newspaper released that the children who are sitting more than 5 hours a day on the computer have obesity disease. Even, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
if parents and teachers monitor their children activities, then this kind of impact can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimised' is British English.
minimised
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
technology not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in enhancing subjects knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
projects, image editing, presentations and craft.
Moreover
, Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
prefers online learning for their exam preparation, and with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
adapt to a modern approach to learning.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can be
easily
made available with sites named Google, Yahoo. This means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not need to visit local libraries to locate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
computers can increase children productivity.

To conclude
, Although an increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers has their drawbacks. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it has led to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and educational institutes.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay What are the important qualities of a good son or daughter? Have these qualities changed or remained the same over time in your culture? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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