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Some people think sending criminals to prison is not an effective way to deal with them, and education and training are better solution. To what extent do you agree or disagree? ( v.2

Some people think sending criminals to prison is not an effective way to deal with them, and education and training are better solution. ( v. 2
Due to the threats from criminals to our society in various ways nowadays, many people suggest that training and education should be used to tackle the issue instead of the traditional method of putting them in the prison. I totally disagree with this opinion. It is understandable why many people advocate the idea of educating offenders. They often say that if these individuals are given suitable learning programs or apprenticeship, they would have necessary skills to make their ends meet after getting out of prison, and potentially would not get involved in any illegal activities. However, I would argue that this belief is misguided and unconvincing. Most of criminals have gone through formal education at primary and secondary levels, in which they have learnt a lot of knowledge and skills which are useful for most of the occupations in the contemporary society, but still have committed law-breaking actions. Therefore, educating these law-breakers cannot make sure that they would not do any criminal activities again. Incarceration, on the other hand, is the far more effective solution to address the issue of crime for several reasons. Firstly, it helps ensure that anyone acting against the will of others would have to get the consequence of losing freedom, which modern citizens are highly afraid of. This also means not only making the public more aware about avoiding breaking the laws but also protecting the society from the offenders in a certain period. Secondly, many prisons nowadays do have rehabilitation programs to help bring the ex-criminals back to the society naturally and effectively by encouraging them to do voluntary work for the society. This could be exemplified by Vietnam, where thousands of prisoners are rehabilitated annually after 3 to 5 years of doing unpaid work for local community. These people then come back to their hometown, welcomed by the both their family and neighbors, and then establishing their own business for the rest of their life.
Due to the threats from criminals to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in various ways nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest that training and education should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to tackle the issue
instead
of the traditional method of putting them in the prison. I
totally
disagree with this opinion.

It is understandable why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advocate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of educating offenders. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
say that if these individuals are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
suitable learning programs or apprenticeship, they would have necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
after getting out of prison, and
potentially
would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in any illegal activities.
However
, I would argue that this belief
is misguided
and unconvincing.
After 'Most of', you should use 'the' ("Most of the criminals") or simply say "Most criminals".
Most of criminals
have gone through formal education at primary and secondary levels, in which they have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which are useful for most of the occupations in the contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
have committed law-breaking actions.
Therefore
, educating these law-breakers cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that they would not do any criminal activities again.

Incarceration,
on the other hand
, is the far more effective solution to address the issue of crime for several reasons.
Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
ensure that anyone
With the word 'that' in a subjunctive clause, use the base form of a verb: "act".
acting
against the will of others would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the consequence of losing freedom, which modern citizens are
highly
afraid of. This
also
means not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
making the public more aware about avoiding breaking the laws
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
protecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
from the offenders in a certain period.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
prisons nowadays do have rehabilitation programs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
bring the ex-criminals back to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
naturally
and
effectively
by encouraging them to do voluntary work for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. This could
be exemplified
by Vietnam, where thousands of prisoners
are rehabilitated
annually
after 3 to 5 years of doing unpaid work for local community. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to their hometown, welcomed by the both their family and neighbors, and then establishing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business for the rest of their life.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think sending criminals to prison is not an effective way to deal with them, and education and training are better solution. ( v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
322 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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