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TOPIC# 28 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television, newspapers, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities. v.1

TOPIC# 28 Television, newspapers, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities. v. 1
One of the major problem with media is excessive attention towards the personal lives of public figures, and in today’s day and age of internet this has only increased many fold. I believe such excessive attention not only harms the society but, also affects the lives of the public figures as well. Newspapers have special pages to cover personal details of celebrities, and there are entire TV channels and magazines dedicated as well for this. I believe such coverage of celebrities has a harmful affect on the society. Firstly, the space used to cover this unimportant stuff can be used for much more important things, which would in fact affect the life of the readers in some way. For example, the space can be used for covering more news that affects the society or local government elections, etc. Secondly, many celebrities have been able to turn this incessant media attention to their advantage. For Example: In United States, Kim Kardashian has created a brand image of her and her family’s personal lives, with even a reality show dedicated to them. This in turn pulls more and more people into their personal lives, which obviously won’t help the viewer in anyway. Sometimes, the celebrities themselves may also be affected by the constant telecast of their personal lives to the world. It is well known that many young celebrities who could not deal with such attention, had developed personal problems. Even for adult celebrities such consistent attention could take toll on their personal life, even a small mistake in front of cameras could lead to their personal life being ripped apart. There have been many cases where actors or politicians where caught doing something embarrassing in private leading to great public loss of image. There are some people who argue that the media is not at fault here, they believe that its’ the readers who demand such intimate coverage of public figures. However, I do not agree to this, it may be true that some people look for every minute personal detail of their favorite public figure. But, this does not mean the media should pamper excessively to such viewers. If anything, this leads to more and more people asking for such content. Everyone, from the common man to celebrities have a right to privacy and it is our responsibility to honor the same. In the process of covering personal lives of public figures and celebrities the media is playing with the personal lives of people and keeping the viewers glued to content which serves no purpose. Media outlets need to stop monetising on the personal life of public figures and celebrities.
One of the major problem with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
, and in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s day and age of internet this has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increased
Possible agreement error. The noun fold seems to be countable; consider using: "many folds".
many fold
. I believe such excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
harms the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affects
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
as well
.

Newspapers have special pages to cover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
, and there are entire TV channels and magazines dedicated
as well
for this. I believe such coverage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
has a harmful
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on the society.
Firstly
, the space
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to cover this unimportant stuff can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things, which would in fact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of the readers in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
way.
For example
, the space can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for covering more news that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affects
the society or local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
elections, etc.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
have been able to turn this incessant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
to their advantage.
For Example
: In United States, Kim Kardashian has created a brand image of her and her family’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, with even a reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
dedicated to them. This in turn pulls more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, which
obviously
won’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the viewer
Did you mean "in any way"?
in anyway
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
themselves may
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the constant telecast of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
to the world. It is well known that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
who could not deal with such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
, had developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
problems. Even for adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
such consistent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
could take toll on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, even a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
mistake in front of cameras could lead to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
being ripped
apart. There have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases where actors or politicians where caught doing something embarrassing in private leading to great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
loss of image.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is not at fault here, they believe that
An apostrophe is never used to form possessive case pronouns. Did you mean: "its"?
its’
the readers who demand such intimate coverage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
.
However
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this, it may be true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
look for every minute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
detail of their favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, this does not mean the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should pamper
excessively
to such viewers. If anything, this leads to more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
asking for such content.

Everyone, from the common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
have a right to privacy and it is our responsibility to honor the same. In the process of covering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is playing with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and keeping the viewers glued to content which serves no purpose.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
outlets need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
Possible spelling mistake. 'monetising' is British English.
monetising
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
65Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay TOPIC# 28 Television, newspapers, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
440 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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