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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television, newspapers, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities. Use specific reasons and details to explain your opinion. v.13

Television, newspapers, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities. Use specific reasons and details to explain your opinion. v. 13
Overall, it is a widely supported opinion that the media pays far too much attention to the personal lives of famous people and I agree. From a celebrity’s perspective, this is an invasion of privacy. The public obsessing over celebrities has many negative side effects, such as invasion of privacy for the stars, failing to report on what actually made them famous and reporting unimportant and untrue facts. To begin, although celebrities have done something that has made them famous and are therefore household names, they should still be entitled to the same personal privacy that an average person has. When the media directs their attention to the everyday actions of celebrities, it can be very frustrating for that person to go along with their life in a normal way. The media photographs them in the morning, captures their daily movements and meetings, and informs the public of every aspect of their lives. They also direct their reader’s attention to things many people would not want to be public knowledge. This invasion of privacy would frustrate most people and should not be tolerated. Next, the effort to illuminate the private lives of celebrities often fails to focus on why these people are even famous. The media should direct their reporting to the music of musicians, the movies of actors and the results of athletes; since those things are what have made the person become famous. The daily life of Taylor Swift has nothing to do with the music she has made, or the value of her being apart of the musical world. The daily life of LeBron James has nothing to do with the success or failure of his team. Therefore, the media should limit their reporting to the true reasons why certain people are famous. Lastly, reporting of unimportant information about celebrities has also led to many people focusing on the superficial aspects of people’s lives. Some people are famous for very good reasons, which include having to do with their wonderful contributions to society. Instead of focusing on reasons like this, some magazines and news channels focus on what clothing celebrities are wearing, or how big their houses are. Those facts about a person have nothing to do with their influence on society. This reduces fame to simple, shallow aspects of existence, rather than valuable contributions that people make. In conclusion, the media focus on the personal lives of celebrities has become out of control. The media’s actions are an obvious invasion of privacy. They fail to focus on the actual reasons why celebrities are famous, and therefore encourages their followers to focus on insubstantial parts of life, rather than the truly amazing aspects of certain people. Focusing on celebrities’ personal lives rather than their gifts is a failure of the media.
Overall
, it is a
widely
supported opinion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
pays far too much attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. From a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity’s
perspective, this is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invasion
of privacy. The public obsessing over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side effects, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invasion
of privacy for the stars, failing to report on what actually made them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reporting
unimportant and untrue facts.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
have done something that has made them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
and are
therefore
household names, they should
still
be entitled
to the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
privacy that an average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You should probably use "direct".
directs
their attention to the everyday actions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
, it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
frustrating for that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to go along with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
Consider replacing "in a normal way" with the adverb for "normal"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a normal way
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
photographs them in the morning, captures their daily movements and meetings, and informs the public of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. They
also
direct their reader’s attention to things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would not want to be public knowledge. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invasion
of privacy would frustrate most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and should not
be tolerated
.

Next
, the effort to illuminate the private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
fails to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
on why these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should direct their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reporting
to the music of musicians, the movies of actors and the results of athletes; since those things are what have made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
. The daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of Taylor Swift has nothing to do with the music she has made, or the value of her being
Possible typo. Did you mean "a part of" or "apart from"?
apart of
the musical world.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of LeBron James has nothing to do with the success or failure of his team.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should limit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reporting
to the true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
.

Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reporting
of unimportant information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
has
also
led to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
focusing on the superficial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, which include having to do with their wonderful contributions to society.
Instead
of focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
like this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
magazines and news channels
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
on what clothing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are wearing, or how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
are. Those facts about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
have nothing to do with their influence on society. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
fame to simple, shallow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of existence,
rather
than valuable contributions that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
has become out of control. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media’s
actions are an obvious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invasion
of privacy. They fail to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
on the actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
, and
therefore
encourages their followers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
on insubstantial parts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
rather
than the
truly
amazing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
rather
than their gifts is a failure of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
74Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Television, newspapers, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities. Use specific reasons and details to explain your opinion. v. 13

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
464 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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