Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

TOEFL essay: Many people visit museums when they travel to new places. Why do you think people visit museums? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

TOEFL essay: Many people visit museums when they travel to new places. Why do you think people visit museums? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
People usually travel to explore a new place, and the best way to know more about a new place is to visit a museum dedicated to that locality. Museums have a collection of multiple artefacts, hence become a consolidated place to view many artefacts of local and historical significance of a particular area. If there wasn’t a meuseum the traveller might have to spend days exploring the country side and talking to local populace to gain the same knowledge. Hence, I believe travellers visit museums when they travel to a new place to understand the historical and cultural significance of an area. In my opinion travellers do this in two ways, first there are museums dedicated to a personality, family or an institution and then there are museums dedicated to society. Museums dedicated to popular institutions, like a royal family or a great personality like Mahatma Gandhi provide an in-depth knowledge of a specific subject. Often such museums are itself built at a place significant to the subject, which further adds to its values. For example, when I was young I visited Sabarmati Museum. The Museum is located at Sabarmati Ashram, this is the place where Mahatma Gandhi himself used to live. The museum was really good in taking its visitors through the journey of Mahatma Gandhi and his struggle for India’s Independence. The other kind of museums are ones dedicated to a society, showcasing the traditional culture and values. Once I had travelled to Kerala (A southern state in India), we visited a popular museum there, which showcased the local culture, festivals, tools, way of life etc. This provided a great opportunity to quickly learn about the place I had travelled to. Just like a library keeps all the books safe for everyone to step in and read. A museum keeps the history secure in its walls for people to explore. In today’s day and age of rapid globalisation, the way of life is becoming more and more similar among different communities. Hence, Museums play a very crucial role for someone travelling to a new place to know more about the local society.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
usually
travel to explore a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
, and the best way to know more about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
is to visit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dedicated
to that locality.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
have a collection of multiple
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
,
hence
become a consolidated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
and historical significance of a particular area. If there wasn’t a
Possible spelling mistake found.
meuseum
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
traveller
might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend days exploring the country side and talking to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
populace to gain the same knowledge.
Hence
, I believe
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
when they travel to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to understand the historical and cultural significance of an area. In my opinion
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
do this in two ways,
first
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dedicated
to a personality, family or an institution and then there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dedicated
to society.

Museums
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dedicated
to popular institutions, like a royal family or a great personality like Mahatma Gandhi provide an in-depth knowledge of a specific subject.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are itself built at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
significant to the subject, which
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
to its values.
For example
, when I was young I visited
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sabarmati
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
is located
at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sabarmati
Ashram, this is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
where Mahatma Gandhi himself
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
was
really
The usual preposition for this expression is "at". Did you mean, "good at taking"?
good in taking
its visitors through the journey of Mahatma Gandhi and his struggle for India’s Independence.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
other kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dedicated
to a society, showcasing the traditional culture and values. Once I had travelled to Kerala (A southern state in India), we visited a popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
there, which showcased the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
culture, festivals, tools, way of life etc. This provided a great opportunity to
quickly
learn about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
I had travelled to.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
like a library
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
all the books safe for everyone to step in and read. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the history secure in its walls for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to explore. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s day and age of rapid
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
, the way of life is becoming more and more similar among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
communities.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial role for someone travelling to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to know more about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay TOEFL essay: Many people visit museums when they travel to new places. Why do you think people visit museums? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts