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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television, newspapers, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities. Use specific reasons and details to explain your opinion. v.412

Television, newspapers, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities. Use specific reasons and details to explain your opinion. v. 412
Print and digital media have evolved from being less dominant in the 20th century to becoming a monopoly in the 21st century. Since then these platforms have started to indulge in the internal affairs of popular personalities. While these practices have a detrimental effect on people, which makes them to lose their peace. This essay will completely agree the media involvement in personal lives and in addition it explains the purpose behind following them and justifies by providing required examples. Firstly, celebrities are now-a-days followed by people all the time and this makes them hard to live their own life. Curiosity to understand what they do apart from their career has led reports to always follow them 24/7. For example, Virat being one of the best batsmen, people tend to follow his work ethics and recent Times Now has covered a documentary about it. Hence, eager to know their superstars has led media to focus more on their day to day lives. On the other hand, focusing on internal matters of celebrities causes various negative effects which make their life harder. They loose their peace because they are exposed publicly. To illustrate it better, Benzima had lost his spot in the national team because of the media exposing his personal matters in public. Hence, Media involvement in personal lives isn't a good sign for people who experience it. To conclude, in my opinion media has completely taken over each individual's personal life. Although, it has many disadvantages but it also has few advantages. Therefor this essay discussed the purpose behind media platforms in involving in public figures' life and also justified the effects that it can probably causes due to past experience.
Print and digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have evolved from being less dominant in the 20th century to becoming a monopoly in the 21st century.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
then these platforms have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to indulge in the internal affairs of popular personalities. While these practices have a detrimental effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them to lose their peace. This essay will completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
involvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
in addition
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
the purpose behind following them and justifies by providing required examples.

Firstly
, celebrities are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
-a-days followed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all the time and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Curiosity to understand what they do apart from their career has led reports to always follow them 24/7.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virat
being one of the best batsmen,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to follow his work ethics and recent Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
has covered a documentary about it.
Hence
, eager to know their superstars has led
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to focus more on their
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the other hand
, focusing on internal matters of celebrities causes various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
harder. They
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
their peace
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are exposed
publicly
. To illustrate it better,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Benzima
had lost his spot in the national team
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
exposing his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
matters in public.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
involvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
isn't a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who experience it.

To conclude
, in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has completely taken over each individual's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Although, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
has few advantages. Therefor this essay discussed the purpose behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
platforms
Adverb repetition. Please, verify.
in involving in
public figures'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
also
justified the effects that it can
probably
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "cause"
causes
due to
Consider using "experience".
past experience
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Television, newspapers, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities. Use specific reasons and details to explain your opinion. v. 412

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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