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TOPIC# 26 It has recently been announced that a new movie theater may be built in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? v.1

TOPIC# 26 It has recently been announced that a new movie theater may be built in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? v. 1
While some people are with the view that art should be included as the most important subject in the primary education, quite a few people oppose and believe it is completely worthless. In my opinion, art should be the part of fundamental education to encourage creativity among the children; however, this essay will discuss both views. Art facilitates the process of intellectual development of the children. Obviously, human's basic cognitive development occurs early in their life and learning creative subjects is helpful to grasp most of the aspects of this development. This is because, many forms of arts, such as music, acting and drawing not only promotes a person's talent, but also develops imagination and sense of humour. Moreover, it improves communication skill and co-operation among the youngster. Thus, including these subjects would be advantageous for these young individuals. For instance, a recent study conducted by Monster. Com reveals that the children, who are involved in music or drama club at school, are more managerial than others. On the other hand, incorporating such types of module in the school curriculum would be negative for the pupil because it might hamper their studies. If students are associated with these extra-curriculum activities, they will get few times for learning. As a result, the fundamental objective of the primary education will be affected. Despite this, these creative activities have positive impacts on the pupils as this will encourage them to pass their time with creativity, meanwhile with healthy entertainment. Hence, this positive influence will also promote their education. For example, there are many students, who stand on the top of the formal examinations, are also practiced singing or drawing. In conclusion, although it is significant to add extra curricular subjects in the school syllabus, some individuals think it is useless as the basic purpose of study will get affected. Nevertheless, this would be advantageous for the pupils as it will develop their cognitional issues.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are with the view that art should
be included
as the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, quite a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
oppose and believe it is completely worthless. In my opinion, art should be the part of fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to encourage creativity among the children;
however
, this essay will discuss both views.

Art facilitates the process of intellectual development of the children.
Obviously
, human's basic cognitive development occurs early in their life and learning creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is helpful to grasp most of the aspects of this development. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
forms of arts, such as music, acting and drawing not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
promotes a person's talent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
develops imagination and sense of
Possible spelling mistake. 'humour' is British English.
humour
.
Moreover
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and co-operation among the youngster.
Thus
, including these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
would be advantageous for these young individuals.
For instance
, a recent study conducted by Monster. Com reveals that the children, who
are involved
in music or drama club at school, are more managerial than others.

On the other hand
, incorporating such types of module in the school curriculum would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
for the pupil
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it might hamper their studies. If students
are associated
with these extra-curriculum activities, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
few times for learning.
As a result
, the fundamental objective of the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
. Despite this, these creative activities have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on the pupils as this will encourage them to pass their time with creativity, meanwhile with healthy entertainment.
Hence
, this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence will
also
promote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students, who stand on the top of the formal examinations, are
also
practiced singing or drawing.

In conclusion
, although it is significant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in the school syllabus,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is useless as the basic purpose of study will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.
Nevertheless
, this would be advantageous for the pupils as it will develop their cognitional issues.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay TOPIC# 26 It has recently been announced that a new movie theater may be built in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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