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It has recently been announced that a new restaurant may be built in your neighborhood Do you support or oppose this plan why Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.1

It has recently been announced that a new restaurant may be built in your neighborhood Do you support or oppose this plan why Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 1
It has been observed that if proper knowledge is given at teenage life, it can lead to a healthy, wealthy and safe future. Hence, one part of our society thinks that a high school student should be educated regarding saving money, whereas some of us do not have the same point of view. In the following essay I will shed some light in favour of the above statement and present my views. To begin with, let's not deny the fact that teenage life is the crucial part of a human journey. However any decision taken at this point of time will have a remarkable effect on one's life. If a secondary student is taught about cash management at this age then he can save himself from unnecessary expenditure. What I mean by this nowadays the market is full of designer wear, innovative gadgets which attract lots of high school students to spend money on buying these items, for example smart phones and laptops. Moreover, if at an early age a person is educated to manage the funds, then they can save it for their extracurricular activities like learning some sports or musical instruments. Not only this but he will also not get into all illegal activities as drugs. In addition to this they will understand the importance of wealth their parents kept for their future and will not end up splurging To conclude, I would opine that every parent should maintain a discipline while providing kids with pocket money so that they should manage a particular amount of cash cleverly as this skill will help them have a better lifestyle.
It has
been observed
that if proper knowledge is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
at teenage life, it can lead to a healthy, wealthy and safe future.
Hence
, one part of our society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that a high school student should
be educated
regarding saving money, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of us do not have the same point of view. In the following essay I will shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the above statement and present my views.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's not deny the fact that teenage life is the crucial part of a human journey.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
any decision taken at this point of time will have a remarkable effect on one's life. If a secondary student
is taught
about cash management at this age then he can save himself from unnecessary expenditure. What I mean by this nowadays the market is full of designer wear, innovative gadgets which attract lots of high school students to spend money on buying these items,
for example
smart phones and laptops.

Moreover
, if at an early age a person
is educated
to manage the funds, then they can save it for their extracurricular activities like learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sports or musical instruments. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he will
also
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into all illegal activities as drugs.
In addition
to this they will understand the importance of wealth their parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
for their future and will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
splurging


To conclude
, I would opine that every parent should maintain a discipline while providing kids with pocket money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they should manage a particular amount of cash
cleverly
as this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them have a better lifestyle.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay It has recently been announced that a new restaurant may be built in your neighborhood Do you support or oppose this plan why Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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