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Question: It has recently been announced that a new movie theater may be built in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v.1

Question: It has recently been announced that a new movie theater may be built in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 1
While retirement is a sensitive issue, having the same age limit for all professionals could create some ripples. For all types of occupations, people tend to work a minimum of 30-40 years and it's highly likely for them to retire post that period. While some people think that early retirement can be favourable for them and they should retire before the set 65 years of tenure, on the other hand, the majority of the professionals believe that they should be working minimum till 60-65 to avail the benefits and retire, this essay would be covering some of the major reasons for different retirement age. To begin with, the age limit 65 could be a lot for some people with an occupation which involves more physical activities or involves manual work, for example Miners, Construction workers, and etc. Also, retiring at an age of 65 will be a big deal for them as it might exhaust them due to their natural age. Moreover, I think the government should be able to have some fatigue for these people and form different policies to make sure that they can be retired early may be by their 50's or before that so that this can benefit them, rather than imposing a policy on the basis of age. However, occupations related IT, Science or research can still be persuaded without involving or exceeding ones physical activity. My neighbour is a construction administrator which requires whole lot of the body than the brain, he has to visit all the sites. For instance, he has to monitor all the buildings sometimes even climb hundreds of stairs to reach a floor to run his safety checklist which is not possible for him to do at 55 years. In conclusion, I agree with the people who think that we should have retirement age set on the kind of service we do rather on the basis of age. Also, I have come across a lot of people, where they are extending their work days just so that they can hit retirement and are not able to meet the productivity they wish to achieve.
While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
is a sensitive issue, having the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
limit for all professionals could create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ripples. For all types of occupations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to work a minimum of 30-40 years and it's
highly
likely for them to retire post that period. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they should retire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the set 65 years of tenure,
on the other hand
, the majority of the professionals believe that they should be working minimum till 60-65 to avail the benefits and retire, this essay would be covering
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
major reasons for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
age.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
limit 65 could be a lot for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with an occupation which involves more physical activities or involves manual work,
for example
Miners, Construction workers,
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
Also
, retiring at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65 will be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
deal for them as it might exhaust them due to their natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Moreover
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should be able to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fatigue for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and form
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
policies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that they can
be retired
early may be by their
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "50s".
50's
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that this can benefit them,
rather
than imposing a policy on the basis of age.

However
, occupations related IT, Science or research can
still
be persuaded
without involving or exceeding ones physical activity. My
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
is a construction administrator which requires
Consider using "lot".
whole lot
of the body than the brain, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
visit all the sites.
For instance
, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
monitor all the buildings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
even climb hundreds of stairs to reach a floor to run his safety checklist which is not possible for him to do at 55 years.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
set on the kind of service we do
rather
on the basis of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Also
, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, where they are extending their work days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can hit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
and are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the productivity they wish to achieve.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Question: It has recently been announced that a new movie theater may be built in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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