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Too much money is spent on looking after repairing olg buildings. They should be knocked down and we should build modern insteads. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Too much money is spent on looking after repairing olg buildings. They should be knocked down and we should build modern insteads. v. 1
Many governments are spending a lot of money on maintaining and repairing historic buildings. So they should be demolished and we should build new ones instead. I completely disagree with this point of view. In this essay I will consider the reasons and provide my own opinion. First of all, old buildings are often considered to be works of art and represent country’s architectural symbols and heritage. If they were knocked down, there would not be any object that tells about the nation’s history. In addition, historic properties attract a significant number of tourists as they give character to the sightseeing. As a result, the country will benefit considerably through tourism and they can utilize this money to preserve and maintain historic buildings. For example, approximately 5000 visitors come to Samarkand every year due to its famous old buildings such as Registan, Guri Amir and Shahi Zinda. The government tries to save these buildings as long as it could. Secondly, some buildings play a key role in educating people about history. It seems that knocking down the old building would cause people to lose their historical facts. For instance, some of the historic buildings are used as museums nowadays. This means that they can give information about our ancestor’ lives. Thus, people need to recognize those buildings’ hidden value. If not so, people will end up with facing the circumstance that there is nothing left to leave our next generation. In conclusion, as we have seen above, those old buildings still advantage to the country in terms of architectural design as well as educational purpose. Therefore, I firmly believe that these buildings should be conserved.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money on maintaining and repairing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they should be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
demolished and
we should build new ones
instead
. I completely disagree with this point of view. In this essay I will consider the reasons and provide my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
considered to be works of art and represent country’s architectural symbols and heritage. If they
were knocked
down, there would not be any object that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
about the nation’s history.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historic
properties attract a significant number of tourists as they give character to the sightseeing.
As a result
, the country will benefit
considerably
through
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
tourism and
they can utilize this money to preserve and maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
.
For example
, approximately 5000 visitors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to Samarkand every year due to its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Registan
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Guri
Amir and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shahi
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zinda
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
tries to save these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
as long as it could.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
play a key role in educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about history. It seems that knocking down the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
would cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to lose their historical facts.
For instance
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as museums nowadays. This means that they can give information about our ancestor’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to recognize those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings’
hidden value. If not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with facing the circumstance that there is nothing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
our
next
generation.

In conclusion
, as we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
above, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
still
advantage to the country in terms of architectural design
as well
as educational purpose.
Therefore
, I
firmly
believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
should
be conserved
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Too much money is spent on looking after repairing olg buildings. They should be knocked down and we should build modern insteads. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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