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The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.11

The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. v. 11
Undoubtedly, these days, it is often argued that government spends a large part of its budget not only on art, but also on public service. I fully agree with this fact that although art is considerable for people, administrations must spend all their money on social services. In turn, this essay will discuss why spending in public service is more significant than that of different kinds of art such as music and theatre. On the one hand, the more countries spend their budget on social service, the safer people can live. That is to say that a lot of countries in the world have not even a safe road and consequently, people who live in these countries are not able to travel easily and safely, thus government officials of these states must not spend their budget on art. There are a lot of people, who are every year died in unsecured roads. For instance, in the first two months of 2019, 22 percent of dead individuals in the world were related to the unsecured roads. In my opinion, people’ life is much more important than art, which is not necessary for persons living. On the other hand, the more governments assign their budget to the public service, the healthier people live. Some people declare that increased public service such as general hygiene can reduce the amount of mortality. Hence, social facilities must be considered as the main necessity in the world. However, this does not mean that the arts should be completely neglected. To summarize, some people are of the opinion that art and social services should be considered equally, while others are opposed to this view. I am sure that art is more like a laughable joke when basic necessity is not available.
Undoubtedly
, these days, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
a large part of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this fact that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is considerable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, administrations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
all their money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. In turn, this essay will discuss why spending in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is more significant than that of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
such as music and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
.

On the one hand, the more countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
, the safer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
That is
to say that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
countries in the world have not even a safe road and
consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in these countries are not able to travel
easily
and
safely
,
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
officials of these states
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who are every year
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
in unsecured roads.
For instance
, in the
first
two months of 2019, 22 percent of dead individuals in the world
were related
to the unsecured roads. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’
life is much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, which is not necessary for persons living.

On the other hand
, the more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
assign their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
, the healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
declare that increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
such as general hygiene can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of mortality.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be considered
as the main necessity in the world.
However
, this does not mean that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should be completely neglected.

To summarize
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
should
be considered
equally
, while others
are opposed
to this view. I am sure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is more like a laughable joke when basic necessity is not available.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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