Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

More and more measures to improve the security in large urban areas have been introduced in many countries because of the increased crime. Do the benefits of these measures outweigh the drawbacks? v.2

More and more measures to improve the security in large urban areas have been introduced in many countries because of the increased crime. Do the benefits of these measures outweigh the drawbacks? v. 2
With an increase in the crime-rate in big cities, the government has ramped up security measures here which some people believe has drawbacks. This essay will argue that the benefits of these efforts outweigh the disadvantages. This essay will first explain that these measures have discouraged criminals and allowed people to explore public spaces more safely, followed by how the argument that it intervenes with their freedom is not as extreme. The rise in security efforts like cameras to monitor public places has deterred the criminals because they know that they are being watched. In comparison to the past, because of the fear of being caught, illegal activities have declined exponentially. For example, The New York Times reported that since 2010 after the installation of camera in remote alleys, the rate of muggings has diminished by almost 40%. Moreover, with the increased sense of safety among the people, they are encouraged to enjoy late night social gatherings without any fear resulting into a lot of leisure businesses like restaurants, bars and night clubs positively flourished. As an illustration of this, in Chicago the business of late night clubs have shot up by 50% in the last decade. On the contrary, many people argue that the increase in police watch is an unfair interference. They feel that being watched round the clock does not give the public their personal space and make them uncomfortable because their private moments are being recorded. However, this is a baseless scare because the private places are not under surveillance and hence people can still enjoy their intimate time freely. For instance, In restaurants only the general areas like receptions has an oversight and dinner booths are not being watched. In conclusion, heightened security has declined criminal behaviour and has given an opportunity to the people to celebrate freely which has given a boost to businesses. Owing to this, the merits overshadow an unsubstantiated fright of the surveillance of private places.
With an increase in the crime-rate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has ramped up security measures here which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe has drawbacks. This essay will argue that the benefits of these efforts outweigh the disadvantages. This essay will
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that these measures have discouraged criminals and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to explore public spaces more
safely
, followed by how the argument that it intervenes with their freedom is not as extreme.

The rise in security efforts like cameras to monitor public places has deterred the criminals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know that they are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
.
In comparison
to the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the fear of
being caught
, illegal activities have declined
exponentially
.
For example
, The New York Times reported that since 2010 after the installation of camera in remote alleys, the rate of muggings has diminished by almost 40%.
Moreover
, with the increased sense of safety among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they
are encouraged
to enjoy late night social gatherings without any fear resulting into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
leisure businesses like restaurants, bars and night clubs
positively
flourished. As an illustration of this, in Chicago the business of late night clubs have shot up by 50% in the last decade.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the increase in police
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
is an unfair interference. They feel that being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
round the clock does not give the public their personal space and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them uncomfortable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their private moments are
being recorded
.
However
, this is a baseless scare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the private places are not under surveillance and
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
still
enjoy their intimate time
freely
.
For instance
, In restaurants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the general areas like receptions has an oversight and dinner booths are not being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
.

In conclusion
, heightened security has declined criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an opportunity to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to celebrate
freely
which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a boost to businesses. Owing to this, the merits overshadow an unsubstantiated fright of the surveillance of private places.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more measures to improve the security in large urban areas have been introduced in many countries because of the increased crime. Do the benefits of these measures outweigh the drawbacks? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts