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Too much money is spent on looking after repairing old buildings. They should be knocked down and we should build modern instead. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Too much money is spent on looking after repairing old buildings. They should be knocked down and we should build modern instead. v. 1
As time passes all structures begin to lose their consistency, and stability. So, it comes as no surprise when the same can be verified on buildings. Every building requires some sort of maintenance, starting with simple things like cleaning the stairs and hallways, to more complex ones like repairing the elevators or changing the plumbing. There are some buildings that despite being old and presenting a hazard to the general public, they still represent a local, or national landmark. Hence being considered a structure of great patrimonial value. Therefore, it would not be unwise, for the government or for the local town hall to take appropriate measures to certify that such buildings continue to exist, while maintaining their original traits as time passes. On the other hand, not all buildings have a symbolic value. Not every degrading structure possesses the importance or the magnificence of Rome’s Colosseum. So, instead of wasting money trying to keep the building the same as it was when it was first built, one should take into consideration the option of demolishing it in order to construct a new modern one with a lot more safety guarantees. Which is why, in my opinion, the government should only spend its economic resources in order to preserve the truly important ones, such as museums that act as a tourist attraction, or churches, that possess significant religious importance and that are always important for believers, and pilgrims. To conclude, if the building possesses some sort of importance, whatever it may be, then the people responsible should do whatever is possible in order to preserve them. But, if we are referring to a mere building that used to be a store, a house, or even a warehouse with no cultural or architectonic value, in that case, I believe that the building should be brought down and replaced by a modern one, with a more fashionable design, more environmental friendly characteristics with solar panels on the roof, and should only be replaced for something that is truly needed in that surrounding area.
As time passes all structures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to lose their consistency, and stability.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
as no surprise when the same can
be verified
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of maintenance, starting with simple things like cleaning the stairs and hallways, to more complex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
like repairing the elevators or changing the plumbing.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
that despite being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and presenting a hazard to the
Consider using "public".
general public
, they
still
represent a local, or national landmark.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
being considered
a structure of great patrimonial value.
Therefore
, it would not be unwise, for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or for the local town hall to take appropriate measures to certify that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
continue to exist, while maintaining their original traits as time passes.

On the other hand
, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
have a symbolic value. Not every degrading structure possesses the importance or the magnificence of Rome’s Colosseum.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
instead
of wasting money trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
the same as it was when it was
first
built, one should take into consideration the option of demolishing it in order to construct a new modern one with a lot more safety guarantees.

Which is why, in my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
spend its economic resources in order to preserve the
truly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, such as museums that act as a tourist attraction, or churches, that possess significant religious importance and that are always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for believers, and pilgrims.
To conclude
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
possesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of importance, whatever it may be, then the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
responsible should do whatever is possible in order to preserve them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, if we are referring to a mere
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be a store, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, or even a warehouse with no cultural or architectonic value,
in that case
, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
should
be brought
down and replaced by a modern one, with a more fashionable design, more environmental friendly characteristics with solar panels on the roof, and should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be replaced
for something
that is
truly
needed in that surrounding area.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Too much money is spent on looking after repairing old buildings. They should be knocked down and we should build modern instead. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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