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Too much emphasis is placed on going university for academic education. People should be encouraged to do vocational training, because there is a lack of qualified tradespeople such as electricians or plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Too much emphasis is placed on going university for academic education. People should be encouraged to do vocational training, because there is a lack of qualified tradespeople such as electricians or plumbers. v. 2
Nowadays life is complexion, there are plenty of pressure that's put on children in their educational journey. Almost every parent wanted their children can achieve the highest academic education in university and can get a good job as well as high salary. They would recommend their children do some qualified jobs, such as doctors, accountancies or lawyers. That's why they are lacking of qualified tradespeople such as electricians or plumbers due to studying the difference in academic educations. I, personally, am strongly agree that people should be encouraged to do vocational training about electrical or plumbing in case that they need. People are now chasing with higher education for a good job as well as higher salary. They believe that higher education is, higher salary they can get into the dream job. Due to tradespeople just study about how they are going to sell things and some stuffs of being a business, but not studying some stuffs about electricity and plumbing. That is why we are suggesting and encouraging people besides just studying their main knowledge, but also need to study some kind of electrical knowledge to help them in solving their daily problems. In addition, our society actually needs more people doing some vocational training as we are lacking of it. One way to encourage people to study this kind of education is that the job's salary should be as high as other jobs. In conclusions, any jobs need to be respected as we are doing our dream jobs so do not be shamed on the job that you like just because they do not recognise the job or just basically the job doesn't have a high salary.
Nowadays life is complexion, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of pressure that's put on children in their educational journey. Almost every parent wanted their children can achieve the highest academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in university and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as well
as high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
. They would recommend their children do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, such as doctors,
Possible spelling mistake found.
accountancies
or lawyers. That's why they are lacking of qualified tradespeople such as electricians or plumbers due to studying the difference in academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educations
. I,
personally
, am
strongly
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be encouraged
to do vocational training about electrical or plumbing in case that they need.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
chasing with higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as well
as higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
. They believe that higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is, higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Due to tradespeople
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
study about how they are going to sell things and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stuffs of being a business,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stuffs about electricity and plumbing.
That is
why we are suggesting and encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
besides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
studying their main knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
need to study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of electrical knowledge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in solving their daily problems.
In addition
, our society actually needs more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vocational training as we are lacking of it. One way to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to study this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is that the job's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
should be as high as other jobs.

In conclusions, any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
need to
be respected
as we are doing our dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
do not
be shamed
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that you like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
basically
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
doesn't have a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Too much emphasis is placed on going university for academic education. People should be encouraged to do vocational training, because there is a lack of qualified tradespeople such as electricians or plumbers. v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
279 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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