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Too much emphasis is placed on going university for academic education. People should be encouraged to do vocational training, because there is a lack of qualified tradespeople such as electricians or plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Too much emphasis is placed on going university for academic education. People should be encouraged to do vocational training, because there is a lack of qualified tradespeople such as electricians or plumbers. v. 1
By most people, vocational training is considered a dishonorable escape route for those who are not smart enough to attend colleges. Now that the scarcity of qualified craftsmen, such as construction workers, electricians or locksmiths is getting more acute, some have suggested that more people should be encouraged to undergo vocational training. From my point of view, I cast no doubt on the veracity of this statement. There are multiple benefits that can be derived from attending trade schools, instead of universities. In the first place, programs of vocational schools are often shorter. More specifically, while college students have to commit to at least 3 years of full-time study, it takes only 1 or 2 years for students to receive certain specialised certifications. In addition, the principal focus of vocational programs is on providing hands-on experience to students and there is no need for them to study subjects that are not relevant to their choice of subject. The prime example for this is Vietnamese college students, regardless of what majors they pursue, are obliged to study concepts of the communist party while students of trade schools do not have to. For this reason, their employability is significantly enhanced. Despite such advantages, many are still skeptical about taking vocational training as it does not offer much flexibility. I acknowledge that the career choices are much more limited for vocational students and that there is little chance for them to change their career if they desire to. However, if students receive proper career orientation program before embarking on their learning, few wrong decisions will be made. All things considered, I am inclined to restate that vocational training should no longer be kept on the periphery of the educational system and that it should be encouraged among students of all levels of education.
By most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
is considered
a dishonorable escape route for those who are not smart
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to attend colleges.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
that the scarcity of qualified craftsmen, such as construction workers, electricians or locksmiths is getting more acute,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
have suggested that more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
be encouraged
to undergo vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
. From my point of view, I cast no doubt on the veracity of this statement.

There are multiple benefits that can
be derived
from attending trade schools,
instead
of universities. In the
first
place, programs of vocational schools are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
shorter. More
specifically
, while college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
commit to at least 3 years of full-time study, it takes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1 or 2 years for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to receive certain
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialised' is British English.
specialised
certifications.
In addition
, the principal focus of vocational programs is on providing hands-on experience to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and there is no need for them to study subjects that are not relevant to their choice of subject. The prime example for this is Vietnamese college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, regardless of what majors they pursue,
are obliged
to study concepts of the communist party while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of trade schools do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
.
For this reason
, their employability is
significantly
enhanced.

Despite such advantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are
still
skeptical about taking vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
as it does not offer much flexibility. I acknowledge that the career choices are much more limited for vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and that there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
chance for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their career if they desire to.
However
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
receive proper career orientation program
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
embarking on their learning, few
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
decisions will
be made
.

All things considered, I
am inclined
to restate that vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
should no longer be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on the periphery of the educational system and that it should
be encouraged
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of all levels of education.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Too much emphasis is placed on going university for academic education. People should be encouraged to do vocational training, because there is a lack of qualified tradespeople such as electricians or plumbers. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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