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Too much emphasis is placed on going university for academic education. People should be encouraged to do vocational training, because there is a lack of qualified tradespeople such as electricians or plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Too much emphasis is placed on going university for academic education. People should be encouraged to do vocational training, because there is a lack of qualified tradespeople such as electricians or plumbers. v. 3
It goes without saying that society always needs a skilled workforce to function. Employees of different professions contribute differently to the thriving of the community, and therefore I disagree with the statement that vocational courses should be given any more weight than before. The fact that many people deem it more important to take tertiary education than a vocational training program has resulted in a shortage of qualified workers. It is universally accepted that knowledge and qualifications gained from university can help one to have a head start over other candidates when it comes to job hunting. In Vietnam, for instance, a majority of high school graduates are content to spend four to five years more studying at a university with the hope for a bright career ahead. This results in a lack of skilled manual workers such as plumbers and electricians in society. However, if we encourage more people to become blue-collar workers, then there will be a shortage of while-collar workers who may otherwise create more wealth for society. For example, fewer engineers would mean lower productivity; a dearth of scientists may inhibit scientific discoveries which can provide us with a better life in the future. In contrast, those doing blue-collar jobs may face redundancy when too many applicants compete for the same position. An unbalanced workforce might, therefore, hold society back from development in the long term. In conclusion, the workforce will adjust itself to cater for the need of the community, so there is no need to direct young people to follow a particular career path.
It goes without saying that society always needs a skilled workforce to function. Employees of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
professions contribute
differently
to the thriving of the community, and
therefore
I disagree with the statement that vocational courses should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
any more weight than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

The fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
deem it more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to take tertiary education than a vocational training program has resulted in a shortage of qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
. It is
universally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that knowledge and qualifications gained from university can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
one to have a head
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
over other candidates when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to job hunting. In Vietnam,
for instance
, a majority of high school graduates are content to spend four to five years more studying at a university with the hope for a bright career ahead. This results in a lack of skilled manual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
such as plumbers and electricians in society.

However
, if we encourage more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to become blue-collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
, then there will be a shortage of while-collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
who may
otherwise
create more wealth for society.
For example
, fewer engineers would mean lower productivity; a dearth of scientists may inhibit scientific discoveries which can provide us with a better life in the future.
In contrast
, those doing blue-collar jobs may face redundancy when too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
applicants compete for the same position. An unbalanced workforce might,
therefore
, hold society back from development in the long term.

In conclusion
, the workforce will adjust itself to cater for the need of the community,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there is no need to direct young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to follow a particular career path.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Too much emphasis is placed on going university for academic education. People should be encouraged to do vocational training, because there is a lack of qualified tradespeople such as electricians or plumbers. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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