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TOEFL SPEAKING TASK 3: A letter to school suggests that they should add some international TV channels to receive international programs on the TV in the dormitory. v.1

TOEFL SPEAKING TASK 3: A letter to school suggests that they should add some international TV channels to receive international programs on the TV in the dormitory. v. 1
Nowadays, countries, these days have cities with people from different parts of the world. People from different cultural backgrounds follow their respective traditions. With such versatile cultures, it is possible for one cultural group to offend another group of people that have a completely different perspective of their own. This raises the question of how the government can assert harmony amongst these people. Harmony might be ensured by declaring public holidays for important religious days and creating public societies for different ethnicities. Declaring public holidays for auspicious religious days such as Hari Raya, Deepavali, and a Christmas show respect to religions and their practices. For example, Singapore is a country that consists of a majority of people from three ethnicities, namely Indian, Chinese and Malay. Public holidays are declared for most of the auspicious day that is celebrated by these ethnicities. This demonstrates the government’s interest in their well-being and brings joy and harmony to the people. Most cities have public societies of multiple religions where people from their respective backgrounds get together, organize activities and celebrate their religion. People join these societies to remind themselves of their religious practices while being away from their country. Governments can promote the formation of such societies for the people. For instance, India is home to more than thirty religions, therefore there are religious societies in many cities where families meet together. In conclusion, to invoke peace and tranquility amongst people from different backgrounds, the motto of unity in diversity is most helpful, since if individuals are respected of their cultural and traditional backgrounds, they will welcome other people in their lives, and thus live in peacefully.
Nowadays, countries, these days have cities with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
parts of the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
backgrounds
follow their respective traditions. With such versatile cultures, it is possible for one cultural group to offend another group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that have a completely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
perspective of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. This raises the question of how the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can assert harmony amongst these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Harmony might
be ensured
by declaring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
holidays for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
days and creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ethnicities.

Declaring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
holidays for auspicious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
days such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hari
Possible spelling mistake found.
Raya
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Deepavali
, and a Christmas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
respect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religions
and their practices.
For example
, Singapore is a country that consists of a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from three ethnicities,
namely
Indian, Chinese and Malay.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
holidays
are declared
for most of the auspicious day that
is celebrated
by these ethnicities. This demonstrates the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s interest in their well-being and brings joy and harmony to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Most cities have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
of multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religions
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from their respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
backgrounds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together, organize activities and celebrate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
to remind themselves of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
practices while being away from their country.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
can promote the formation of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, India is home to more than thirty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religions
,
therefore
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cities where families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
together.

In conclusion
, to invoke peace and tranquility amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
backgrounds
, the motto of unity in diversity is most helpful, since if individuals
are respected
of their cultural and traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
backgrounds
, they will welcome other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, and
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
peacefully
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TOEFL SPEAKING TASK 3: A letter to school suggests that they should add some international TV channels to receive international programs on the TV in the dormitory. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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