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Today, TV channels provide men’s sport shows more than women’s sport shows. Why? Should TV channels give equal time for women’s sport and men’s sport? v.2

Today, TV channels provide men’s sport shows more than women’s sport shows. Why? Should TV channels give equal time for women’s sport and men’s sport? v. 2
These days, when it comes to sport, a higher number of games played by men are broadcast, compared to that of women. A growing number of people having more interest in men’s sporting events are the main reason for this and I believe that equal attention should be paid to women’s sport. The major factor leading television producers to prioritise men’s sport is that the number of men’s sport shows considerably outnumbers shows of their female counterparts. More viewers mean more profits, advertising contracts and sponsorship investments for the TV channels broadcasting the shows. Take football in Vietnam as an example. Men’s football match at the 30th SEA games attracted millions of people both from different parts of Vietnam and other neighbouring countries, while the figure for women’s match was significantly lower. Giving men’s sport a higher priority is, therefore, a wise strategy to earn large profits and attract more investment. However, I would argue that TV coverage should not be biased towards men’s sport and that female athletes should be given equal opportunities. If men’s sports programmes continue to receive significantly more coverage than the programmes of their opposite sex, it might increase gender inequality, which is one of the most serious issues in many parts of the world today. Another thing is that there has been a dramatic increase in the number of people who have an interest in women’s sport in recent years, and hence, television coverage should focus more on this area. In conclusion, a wider audience watching men’s sports channels is the most important reason why TV producers provide more men’s shows than woman shows, and I am of the opinion that there should be a greater equality in the coverage of men’s and women’s sport.
These days, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of games played by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are broadcast, compared to that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. A growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having more interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
are the main reason for this and I believe that equal attention should
be paid
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
sport.

The major factor leading television producers to
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritise' is British English.
prioritise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
considerably
outnumbers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
of their female counterparts. More viewers mean more profits, advertising contracts and sponsorship investments for the TV channels broadcasting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
. Take football in Vietnam as an example.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men’s
football match at the 30th SEA games attracted millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
both from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of Vietnam and other
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
countries, while the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
match was
significantly
lower. Giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
a higher priority is,
therefore
, a wise strategy to earn large profits and attract more investment.

However
, I would argue that TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coverage
should not
be biased
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and that female athletes should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal opportunities. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
continue to receive
significantly
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coverage
than the
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
of their opposite sex, it might increase gender inequality, which is one of the most serious issues in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. Another thing is that there has been a dramatic increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have an interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
in recent years, and
hence
, television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coverage
should focus more on this area.

In conclusion
, a wider audience watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
channels is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason why TV producers provide more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
than woman
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
, and I am of the opinion that there should be a greater equality in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coverage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, TV channels provide men’s sport shows more than women’s sport shows. Why? Should TV channels give equal time for women’s sport and men’s sport? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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