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Describe a public area that you visit frequently. Please state why you visit itfrequently and include specific examples and details in your explanation. v.1

Describe a public area that you visit frequently. Please state why you visit itfrequently and include specific examples and details in your explanation. v. 1
In nowadays, science and technology are developing quickly and humans are adapting to that. So, some people think that these types of subjects are becoming more crucial than history. But others think that learning History is still important for children. In my opinion, all the subjects of science, technology and history are equally significant in education. In recent years, so many scientific and technological innovations are announced and created by us. Also, parents and teachers are predicting that becoming a scientist or technology engineers are paid more than other professions. I agree with that too. Because, there are a few reasons. Firstly, the biggest companies have become technological companies such as Apple, Facebook. So, these companies are creating more jobs for technology geeks. Secondly, our lifestyle is stuck with science and technology and we are surrounded by these new but old ideas. However, these concepts are becoming more understable to us, we always need to learn from our past and should be proud of our ancestors. Opportunities - we have now, chances - we are seizing, land - we are living on, food - we are eating, peace - in our mind inherit from our ancestors. Also, they left their history to teach us what we should do or what we shouldn’t. For example, rather than we fight with each other, we should be united and cooperate with each other. And they did that for us to bring the future with high technology and science which we are loving now. In conclusion, I want to mention again that learning science, technology and history are equally important. So, in high school, these subjects should teach equally and interestingly. If we can do that, our youngsters can learn from the past and create a bright future.
nowadays is used without 'in'. Use simply: "nowadays".
In nowadays
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are developing
quickly
and humans are adapting to that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these types of subjects are becoming more crucial than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for children. In my opinion, all the subjects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
are
equally
significant in education.

In recent years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
scientific and technological innovations
are announced
and created by us.
Also
, parents and teachers are predicting that becoming a scientist or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
engineers
are paid
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professions. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that too.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, there are a few reasons.
Firstly
, the biggest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have become technological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
such as Apple, Facebook.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are creating more jobs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
geeks.
Secondly
, our lifestyle
is stuck
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
technology and
we
are surrounded
by these new
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.

However
, these concepts are becoming more
Possible spelling mistake found.
understable
to us, we always need to learn from our past and should be proud of our ancestors. Opportunities
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, chances
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
we are seizing, land
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
we are living on, food
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
we are eating, peace
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
in our mind inherit from our ancestors.
Also
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
to teach us what we should do or what we shouldn’t.
For example
,
rather
than we fight with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, we should
be united
and cooperate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. And they did that for us to bring the future with high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
which we
The verb 'loving' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are loving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

In conclusion
, I want to mention again that learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in high school, these subjects should teach
equally
and
interestingly
. If we can do that, our youngsters can learn from the past and create a bright future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe a public area that you visit frequently. Please state why you visit itfrequently and include specific examples and details in your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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