Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Today, TV channels provide men’s sport shows more than women’s sport shows. Why? Should TV channels give equal time for women’s sport and men’s sport? v.1

Today, TV channels provide men’s sport shows more than women’s sport shows. Why? Should TV channels give equal time for women’s sport and men’s sport? v. 1
During recent years, men’s sport TV programs are dominant in comparison with women’s ones such as football and baseball. This trend can be attributed to a whole of reasons. From my perspective, time broadcasting should be distributed equally for both gender shows. In this essay, the reasons would be discussed and my opinion would be clarified. There are several reasons why men’s sports shows are dominant. First, the deep-rooted image of women is feminine and inappropriate for competitive activities. In contrast, men whose innateness is masculine and much stronger. In fact, competitions involving men are much more aggressive and dramatic to watch, which captures viewer’s attention. For example, in Vietnam, men’s football events are preferred by the media and men footballers receive higher salaries than female players do. Therefore, due to high ratings, TV producers choose men to appear frequently in their sports channels. However, this trend should not continue due to a number of reasons. First, since the dominance of men’s sport TV shows leads to the deficient attention of women’s ones, the salary gap would be widened between both genders. Also, the image of a woman who participates in physical activities is not supported by the public eye, which has a negative impact on young girls' viewpoints. Girls would limit their career options in comparison with boys. Therefore, equal time for women’s sport and men’s sport could contribute to gender equality. In conclusion, they are benefits such as these which urges the TV broadcaster to produce men’s TV shows. Additionally, this imbalance should not be maintained due to gender inequality.
During recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
TV programs are dominant
in comparison
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
ones such as football and baseball. This trend can
be attributed
to a whole of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
. From my perspective, time broadcasting should
be distributed
equally
for both gender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
. In this essay, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
would
be discussed
and my opinion would
be clarified
.

There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
are dominant.
First
, the deep-rooted image of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
is feminine and inappropriate for competitive activities.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
whose innateness is masculine and much stronger. In fact, competitions involving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are much more aggressive and dramatic to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
, which captures viewer’s attention.
For example
, in Vietnam,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
football
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
are preferred
by the media and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
footballers receive higher salaries than female players do.
Therefore
, due to high ratings, TV producers choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
to appear
frequently
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
channels.

However
, this trend should not continue due to a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
.
First
, since the dominance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
leads to the deficient attention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
ones, the salary gap would
be widened
between both genders.
Also
, the image of a woman who participates in physical activities is not supported by the public eye, which has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on young girls' viewpoints. Girls would limit their career options
in comparison
with boys.
Therefore
, equal time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
could contribute to gender equality.

In conclusion
, they are benefits such as these which urges the TV broadcaster to produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
.
Additionally
, this imbalance should not
be maintained
due to gender inequality.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay Today, TV channels provide men’s sport shows more than women’s sport shows. Why? Should TV channels give equal time for women’s sport and men’s sport? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts