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TOEFL. Independent writing. Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a bigcity v.1

TOEFL. Independent writing. Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a bigcity v. 1
Some argue that the aim of prison is punishment, while others say that its main role is rehabilitation. This essay agrees that the reason for prison is to punish. This essay will discuss both points of view. For centuries, the idea of prisons has been associated with punishment. Over the world, it has been and continues to be a common practice to imprison people for their crimes. Imprisonment is the best way to penalize people for their offences and this sends a clear message to the people of a country, that their unlawful acts would result in them being imprisoned. This idea instills a sense of fear in people, which in turn, prevents them from committing criminal activities. For example, a report by a Nigerian journalist dated several years back stated that the country had seen a decline in the crime rate as an increasing number of people were being imprisoned for their crimes. However, some disagree and feel that the primary purpose of prison is to provide rehabilitation. While this could be true in some of the cases, largely it has proved to be false. Most of the criminals who are sentenced to imprisonment view the facility as a place to stay until their term comes to an end. During the time that convicts spend in jail, they rarely reflect on their actions and seek ways to improve themselves. To illustrate, a thirty-two year old man who was jailed previously for thieving, was caught trying to break into an apartment to steal after he was released from jail. This proves that prisons are not the best place to rehabilitate themselves. In conclusion, prisons rarely serve as rehabilitation facilities and hence, the main purpose of prisons is to punish people. In my opinion, the punishment should be the key aim of imprisonment as more often than not, it is the fear of being punished over feeling any sense of guilt that prevents people from committing criminal acts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that the aim of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
is punishment, while others say that its main role is rehabilitation. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that the reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
is to punish. This essay will discuss both points of view.

For centuries, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
has
been associated
with punishment. Over the world, it has been and continues to be a common practice to imprison
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for their crimes. Imprisonment is the best way to penalize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for their
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sends
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
message to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of a country, that their unlawful acts would result in them
being imprisoned
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
instills a sense of fear in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which in turn,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them from committing criminal activities.
For example
, a report by a Nigerian journalist dated several years back stated that the country had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a decline in the crime rate as an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were
being imprisoned
for their crimes.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disagree and feel that the primary purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
is to provide rehabilitation. While this could be true in
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
cases,
largely
it has proved to be false. Most of the criminals who
are sentenced
to imprisonment view the facility as a place to stay until their term
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
. During the time that convicts spend in jail, they rarely reflect on their actions and seek ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves. To illustrate, a thirty-two year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who
was jailed
previously for thieving,
was caught
trying to break into an apartment to steal after he
was released
from jail. This proves that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
are not the best place to rehabilitate themselves.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
rarely serve as rehabilitation facilities and
hence
, the main purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
is to punish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my opinion, the punishment should be the key aim of imprisonment as more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not, it is the fear of
being punished
over feeling any sense of guilt that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from committing criminal acts.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TOEFL. Independent writing. Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a bigcity v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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