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Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of work v.11

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Which types of work v. 11
Technology based education has become increasingly popular these days. Some people argue that online studies are far better than traditional teaching methods. Although I agree that online education has a myriad of benefits, the role of conventional learning in education is unavoidable. Firstly, in this fast paced world, web-based education is significantly convenient, especially because it provides a unique opportunity for students to attend the classes from anywhere, irrespective of the location or time zone. Being able to connect virtually, they can save a tremendous amount of time in their lives. Harvard University, for instance, offers a wide range of short term online courses related to Computer as well as Business Practises, which is beneficial for people around the world to earn a degree or diploma from one of the most prominent universities. Furthermore, few web courses provide the option for individuals to select their tutor from a group of teachers, who hail from various countries. However, the productivity of the online learning methods is questionable. In on-site teaching, the instructors can better evaluate their students based on their skills and performance. As an example, if a student has low performance in trigonometry, a teacher can train him to improve better by providing extra classes and thus gradually he develops his knowledge in that particular area, which is impossible in an online system. Online teachers conduct the classes in a typical method which might not be fruitful for all learners. To conclude, although online education offers a variety of course options and flexibility, I believe that only the conventional teachers can provide individual attention and coaching for students to mould them and to produce the best outcome.
Technology based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has become
increasingly
popular these days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
studies are far better than traditional teaching methods. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has a myriad of benefits, the role of conventional learning in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is unavoidable.

Firstly
, in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced world, web-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
significantly
convenient,
especially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides a unique opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to attend the classes from anywhere, irrespective of the location or time zone. Being able to connect
virtually
, they can save a tremendous amount of time in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Harvard University,
for instance
, offers a wide range of short term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
courses related to Computer
as well
as Business
Possible spelling mistake. 'Practises' is British English.
Practises
, which is beneficial for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the world to earn a degree or diploma from one of the most prominent universities.
Furthermore
, few web courses provide the option for individuals to select their tutor from a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
, who hail from various countries.

However
, the productivity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
learning methods is questionable. In on-site teaching, the instructors can better evaluate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
based on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and performance. As an example, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has low performance in trigonometry, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
can train him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
better by providing extra classes and
thus
gradually
he develops his knowledge in that particular area, which is impossible in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
system.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
conduct the classes in a typical method which might not be fruitful for all learners.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
offers a variety
of course
options and flexibility, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can provide individual attention and coaching for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
them and to produce the best outcome.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Which types of work v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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