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TOEFL essay: Some people like to travel with a companion. Other people prefer to travel alone. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice. v.1

TOEFL essay: Some people like to travel with a companion. Other people prefer to travel alone. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice. v. 1
In recent times, with the changes in lifestyle, it is important for all the individuals to focus on their healthiness. While some people believe that, the improvement in sports facilities will tackle the issue of public health, others argue that there are more measures to be taken to improve it. However, I would agree more with the latter view. Firstly, there is no doubt that increasing sports facilities will have a tremendous role to play on the health of communities. The main reason for this is, it makes the individual to be physically fit and mentally stable. To illustrate, every person who does a physical activity such as gym, yoga or outdoor sports for an hour in their adulthood are less likely to have critical heart ailments and diabetics in their later stages of life. As a result, it makes the individual energetic, increases their lifespan and have a positive effect on the work productivity, which in turn helps the society as a whole. Nevertheless, I believe that, there are other strong measures needed, such as reducing the consumption of alcohol and tobacco products along with junk food to have a lasting impact on the public health. The central reason behind this is, due to urbanisation and modern work culture, the stress levels are at all time high and people are inclined towards instant remedies like smoking to overcome the pressure. This will have an overwhelmingly detrimental impact on the individual's health. Conversely, If following few measures like following the healthy and hygienic diet, a ban on tobacco products by the authorities, will have an encouraging effect on the public health. In conclusion, Although increasing the sports facilities has a vital role to play in improving the health of citizens, I firmly believe that, few crucial measures like reduction in nicotine products and following a hygienic lifestyle will have a major impact on public health in the long run.
In recent times, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in lifestyle, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for all the individuals to focus on their healthiness. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that, the improvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities will tackle the issue of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, others argue that there are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
to
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
it.
However
, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
more with the latter view.

Firstly
, there is no doubt that increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities will have a tremendous role to play on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of communities. The main reason for this is, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the individual to be
physically
fit and mentally stable. To illustrate, every person who does a physical activity such as gym, yoga or outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for an hour in their adulthood are less likely to have critical heart ailments and diabetics in their later stages of life.
As a result
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the individual energetic, increases their lifespan and have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on the work productivity, which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the society as a whole.

Nevertheless
, I believe that, there are other strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
needed, such as reducing the consumption of alcohol and tobacco products along with junk food to have a lasting impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. The central reason behind this is, due to
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
and modern work culture, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels are at
It appears that a hyphen is missing in the adjective "all-time"
all time
high and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are inclined
towards instant remedies like smoking to overcome the pressure. This will have an
overwhelmingly
detrimental impact on the individual's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Conversely
, If following few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
like following the healthy and hygienic diet, a ban on tobacco products by the authorities, will have an encouraging effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
health.

In conclusion
, Although increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities has a vital role to play in improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of citizens, I
firmly
believe that, few crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
like reduction in nicotine products and following a hygienic lifestyle will have a major impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in the long run.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TOEFL essay: Some people like to travel with a companion. Other people prefer to travel alone. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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