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Some feel that school uniforms make schools safer for students, create a level playing field that reduces socioeconomic disparities and encourage children to focus on their studies rather than their clothes. Others say school uniforms infringe upon studen v.1

Some feel that school uniforms make schools safer for students, create a level playing field that reduces socioeconomic disparities and encourage children to focus on their studies rather than their clothes. Others say school uniforms infringe upon studen v. 1
There have been immense arguments on the association between success and equality these days. While I can perceive the egalitarian beliefs, I do believe that people should earn achievements in accordance with their qualifications. On the one hand, the existence of equality in society can have positive effects on people as well as society. For example, less income individuals earn more money, and it would cause the fairness of society. Moreover, penurious guys would be more satisfied with this situation. It has been proved that fewer thefts will occur in this condition. Furthermore, the behavioral issues would reduce, if people earned money the same as each other. Therefore, egalitarian society beliefs could be reasonable because of the mentioned reasons. On the other hand, under the practical condition, advances are not achievable in this sort of society. If the people be paid without considering their merits, it would cause discouragements for them. For instance, a doctor or an engineer would expect to have a higher income than an ordinary employee. Moreover, all societies need a sense of competition to progress, and under the condition of equality, there would not be the sense of competitiveness among the general public. For example, on the merit-based status, poorer individuals would strive for improvement, and this endeavor will flourish the society promptly. In conclusion, I would admit the impact of equality on personal achievements, but it seems to me that people should earn what they deserve, and this would be better for the progression of society.
There have been immense arguments on the association between success and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equality
these days. While I can perceive the egalitarian beliefs, I do believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should earn achievements in accordance with their qualifications.

On the one hand, the existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equality
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For example
, less income individuals earn more money, and it would cause the fairness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Moreover
, penurious guys would be more satisfied with this situation. It has
been proved
that fewer thefts will occur in this condition.
Furthermore
, the behavioral issues would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
earned money the same as each other.
Therefore
, egalitarian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
beliefs could be reasonable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the mentioned reasons.

On the other hand
, under the practical condition, advances are not achievable in this sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
be paid
without considering their merits, it would cause discouragements for them.
For instance
, a doctor or an engineer would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to have a higher income than an ordinary employee.
Moreover
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
need a sense of competition to progress, and under the condition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equality
, there would not be the sense of competitiveness among the
Consider using "public".
general public
.
For example
, on the merit-based status, poorer individuals would strive for improvement, and this endeavor will flourish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
promptly
.

In conclusion
, I would admit the impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equality
on personal achievements,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should earn what they deserve, and this would be better for the progression of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some feel that school uniforms make schools safer for students, create a level playing field that reduces socioeconomic disparities and encourage children to focus on their studies rather than their clothes. Others say school uniforms infringe upon studen v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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