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Some people like to travel with a companion. Other people prefer to travel alone. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice. v.1

Some people like to travel with a companion. Other people prefer to travel alone. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice. v. 1
Nowadays, the university plays a vital role in the student's career path, because it helps to improve the knowledge and enhance technical skills which are related to the core field. Some people said that universities should give priority to the knowledge by training them in a proper way, while others think that university's main purpose is to give suggestions to the students that required to place them in a multinational company. However, my opinion will be discussed in the following paragraphs. First of all, knowledge is an important part of the education system, because people who have basic knowledge about their subjects are able to understand the things that related to their field by assuming real time examples. Due to this, all the universities are acquiring knowledge persons rather than who have good communication skills, because they are the only one's who responsible to make university proud and certain reputation also gained by them. Secondly universities also teach how to participate in different workshops and competitions that double their problem solving skills. Owing to all these, a university has the best environment to foster the student's technical skills as well as communication. On the other hand, the university also trains the students to place in a company that related to their specific part of the education, because placements are also bring reputation to the college. They are organising the events like mock interviews and just a minute sessions, which are useful in the interviews that conducted either in college or out of the campus. As a result, they get placed in a company which suitable for the specific department. Furthermore, the field that students are interested in the college, helps to develop the knowledge when he is moving in the company. To conclude that, I reiterate my statement by saying that the university should teach knowledge as well as required skills for a job also.
Nowadays, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
plays a vital role in the student's career path,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and enhance technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which
are related
to the core field.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should give priority to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
by training them
Consider replacing "in a proper way" with the adverb for "proper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proper way
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that university's main purpose is to give suggestions to the students that required to place them in a multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
However
, my opinion will
be discussed
in the following paragraphs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of the education system,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about their subjects are able to understand the things that related to their field by assuming real time examples. Due to this, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are acquiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
persons
rather
than
Did you mean "whom"?
who
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one's
A noun should not follow 'who'. Try changing to a verb or maybe to "who is a responsible".
who responsible
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
proud and certain reputation
also
gained by them.
Secondly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
also
teach how to participate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
workshops and competitions that double their problem solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Owing to all these, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
has the best environment to foster the student's technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
as well
as communication.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
also
trains the students to place in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that related to their specific part of the education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
placements are
also
Consider using a past participle here: "brought".
bring
reputation to the college. They are
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like mock interviews and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a minute
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "session"?
sessions
, which are useful in the interviews that conducted either in college or out of the campus.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
placed in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
which suitable for the specific department.
Furthermore
, the field that students
are interested
in the college,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
when he is moving in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

To conclude
that, I reiterate my statement by saying that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
should teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
as well
as required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for a job
also
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Some people like to travel with a companion. Other people prefer to travel alone. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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