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TOEFL essay: Some people believe that university students should be required to attend classes. Others believe that going to classes should be optional for students. Which point of view do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to. . . v.2

TOEFL essay: Some people believe that university students should be required to attend classes. Others believe that going to classes should be optional for students. Which point of view do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to. . . v. 2
First of all, learning in a traditional class make you more social. Even though some people find old teaching style old fashioned, students become much more social by the attending classes regularly. They meet with each others, agrue about some lectures and shares ideas. It is a kind of prepareation for proffesional business life. Secondly, school is a obligation if you want to learn something new. Students who in a stage acquaring new knowlegde should study more in order to reach their goals an potential. Listening the teacher steadily increase their motivation and boosts their success. Thirdly, if students attend the classes they can guess what question will be ask on the exams. Actually, teachers sometimes give clues about exams during the lecture. Listening the teacher in a silent environment and taking note may be helpful for students. Furthermore, even some students take voice record of lectures and listen it over and over. To wrap it up, taking all aforementioned reasons into the account, one can conclude that student should come to the class to get new ideas. It is not only help to broad their horizon, but also gives the key of being success in the exams.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, learning in a traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you more social.
Even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
teaching style
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
old fashioned
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
become much more social by the attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
regularly
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
agrue
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
lectures and shares
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. It is a kind of
Possible spelling mistake found.
prepareation
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
proffesional
business life.

Secondly
, school is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
obligation if you want to learn something new.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
who in a stage
Possible spelling mistake found.
acquaring
new
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowlegde
should study more in order to reach their goals
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
potential. Listening the teacher
steadily
increase their motivation and boosts their success.

Thirdly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
attend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
they can guess what question will be
Consider using a past participle here: "asked".
ask
on the exams. Actually, teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
give clues about exams during the lecture. Listening the teacher in a silent environment and taking note may be helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Furthermore
, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
take voice record of lectures and listen it over and over.

To wrap it up, taking all aforementioned reasons into the account, one can conclude that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to broad their horizon,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
gives the key of being success in the exams.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay TOEFL essay: Some people believe that university students should be required to attend classes. Others believe that going to classes should be optional for students. Which point of view do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to. . . v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
198 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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