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Some people believe that university students should be required to attend classes. Others believe that going to classes should be optional for students. Which point of view do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to explain your answer. v.2

Some people believe that university students should be required to attend classes. Others believe that going to classes should be optional for students. Which point of view do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to explain your answer. v. 2
In the modern world, many individuals are concerned about their health. In this regard, some people believe that introducing heavy taxes for unhealthy food, such as fast foods and junk foods, can alleviate the situation of the people, who are suffering from the obesity. However, others feel that eating is a matter of choice of each person, and the authorities cannot regulate their diet. There is no denying that the government should give a freedom of choice for citizens. In this reason, taxing heavily food manufacturers or customers, who are keen to purchase their products is not a viable option, because it can lead to the underdevelopment of the economy. That is to say, if the authorities introduce heavy taxes for unhealthy products, they can lose many producers of foods. A good illustration of this is the KFC, which is a worldwide prosperous restaurant. If the government tax this organization or its customers strictly, it can lead to the bankruptcy of the business. Consequently, this can negatively influence on the country. On the other hand, others feel that such kind of methods can be beneficial for the health of individuals. It is widely known that there is a wide range of people, who are suffering from obesity. In this regard, an unhealthy diet can lead them to the lethal consequences, such as heart attack and blood pressure. In this reason, in order to decrease the level of such kinds of diseases and illnesses, introducing taxes for unhealthy nutrients can partly solve the problem of individuals. To illustrate, if the authorities do not allow restaurants to sell the products, which contain GMO or other artificial ingredients, the customers can consume natural products, which is useful for their well-being. In conclusion, although many people tend to think that the government intervention can alleviate the situation of overweight people, others feel that the authorities should give a freedom of choice for the citizens, because free trade is essential for the economy of the country.
In the modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals
are concerned
about their health. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that introducing heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, can alleviate the situation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who are suffering from the obesity.
However
, others feel that eating is a matter of choice of each person, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
cannot regulate their diet.

There is no denying that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should give
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "freedom".
a freedom
of choice for citizens. In this reason, taxing
heavily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
manufacturers or customers, who are keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is not a viable option,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can lead to the underdevelopment of the economy.
That is
to say, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
introduce heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, they can lose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
producers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is the KFC, which is a worldwide prosperous restaurant. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
this organization or its customers
strictly
, it can lead to the bankruptcy of the business.
Consequently
, this can
negatively
influence on the country.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, others feel that such kind of methods can be beneficial for the health of individuals. It is
widely
known that there is a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who are suffering from obesity. In this regard, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
diet can lead them to the lethal consequences, such as heart attack and blood pressure. In this reason, in order to decrease the level of such kinds of diseases and illnesses, introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
nutrients can partly solve the problem of individuals. To illustrate, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
restaurants to sell the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, which contain GMO or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
artificial ingredients, the customers can consume natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, which is useful for their well-being.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
intervention can alleviate the situation of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, others feel that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
should give
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "freedom".
a freedom
of choice for the citizens,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
free trade is essential for the economy of the country.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people believe that university students should be required to attend classes. Others believe that going to classes should be optional for students. Which point of view do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to explain your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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