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TOEFL essay: People remember special gifts or presents that they have received. Why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

TOEFL essay: People remember special gifts or presents that they have received. Why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
In today’s societies, the question of why everyone remember the specific presents that they have received has become a controversial issue among a people in many circles and camps. Different people have a various type of responses to this topic based on their cultural, economical, social, or even familial backgrounds. However, as far as I’m concerned, I think that people can recall their special gifts for some reasons that I elaborate in the following paragraphs. To begin with, specific gifts is a special for someone who received them. Scientist are concurred that when some special things happen to some one such as receiving fantastic gifts, watching great movie, having prefect date, or seeing admirable sport event, these pleasant things go to the particular part of his memory. Therefore, these can last longer than other ones in his mind. let’s make a brief explanation about that. For example, I remember that when I was conducting a survey as a student on the astonishing effect of special date on the memory of people, I became surprised when I found out that this date can be left at least 10 times more than ordinary one in students’ memory. Thus, one might say that being special is a key factor for lasting in someone memory. Another noteworthy aspect that should be mentioned is that it maybe evoke a good memory of extremely pleasant moment. The most conspicuous aspect of special gift is that a person’s mind associated it with attractive event. As a result, he remembers that gift for a long time. Let me shed a light on my point. For instance, if someone takes a something as a reward, even an inexpensive one, on his school for his effort on the students’ welfare, this gift will be last in his mind because it causes to remind a very appealing day one his childhood. Consequently, anyone can think that people remember some gifts because they help them to remind some astounding events. In conclusion, there are a plenty of reasons for remember a specific present. Not only, memory is inclined to remember special thing more easily and for longer time. But also, this kind of gifts evoke a favorable memory to someone, and because of that memory this gifts have been remembered. Hence, people always remember their particular presents.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s societies, the question of why everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "remembers", "remembered".
remember
the specific presents that they have received has become a controversial issue among a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
circles and camps.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a various type of responses to this topic based on their cultural, economical, social, or even familial backgrounds.
However
, as far as I’m concerned, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can recall their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons that I elaborate in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
who received them. Scientist
are concurred
that when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
things happen to
Did you mean "someone"?
some one
such as receiving fantastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
, watching great movie, having prefect date, or seeing admirable sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, these pleasant things go to the particular part of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memory
.
Therefore
, these can last longer than other ones in his mind.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
let
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a brief explanation about that.
For example
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remember
that when I was conducting a survey as a student on the astonishing effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
date on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memory
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I became surprised when I found out that this date can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
at least 10 times more than ordinary one in students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memory
.
Thus
, one might say that being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
is a key factor for lasting in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
memory.

Another noteworthy aspect that should
be mentioned
is that it maybe evoke a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memory
of
extremely
pleasant moment. The most conspicuous aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
is that a person’s mind associated it with attractive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.
As a result
, he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remembers
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
for a long time.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me shed a light on my point.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
takes a something as a reward, even an inexpensive one, on his school for his effort on the students’ welfare, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
will be last in his mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it causes to remind a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
appealing day one his childhood.
Consequently
, anyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remember
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to remind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
astounding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

In conclusion
, there are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remember
a specific present. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memory
is inclined
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remember
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
thing more
easily
and for longer time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
also
, this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
evoke a favorable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memory
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memory
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
have
been remembered
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remember
their particular presents.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay TOEFL essay: People remember special gifts or presents that they have received. Why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
385 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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