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TOEFL essay: People remember special gifts or presents that they have received. Why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

TOEFL essay: People remember special gifts or presents that they have received. Why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
It is often argued by some parents that they should set a rule to prevent their underage children from getting out after late at night. I completely agree with this opinion and think young children must not let out after midnight for their own safety. First of all, I believe that retaining youngsters home after twelve at night prevents them from falling into unwanted troubles. Rather than allowing young teenagers go out late at night and let them do whatever ever they desire, which might drag them into unnecessary problems. For instance, according to Harward research, there are high chances of getting their life in danger by dangerous personals like petty thieves, muggers, and robbers. Or even get caught in a street fight. That is why our younger generation should protect by a strict rule by their guardians from the late-night visits for their safety. Secondly, I also consider a law that holds the youngsters from after midnight journeys will restrain youngsters from utilizing unwanted substances that can destroy their valuable younger life. For example, there is a higher possibility of the addict for harmful things like drugs, cocaine, and heroin. Or force them to use unsuitable things with others. Therefore, as adults, we should emphasize why it is an import of such a law to prevent them from roaming after midnight, considering their well being. To conclude, I strongly believe that is very important to enforce a law for the people below 18 years of age from going out after twelve at night. By considering the safety and block, involving with poisonous substances.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents that they should set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
their underage children from getting out after late at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
young children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
out after midnight for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
safety.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that retaining youngsters home after twelve at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them from falling into unwanted troubles.
Rather
than allowing young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
go out late at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them do whatever ever they desire, which might drag them into unnecessary problems.
For instance
, according to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Harward
research, there are high chances of getting their life in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
personals like petty thieves, muggers, and robbers. Or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
caught in a street fight.
That is
why our younger generation should protect by a strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
by their guardians from the late-night visits for their safety.

Secondly
, I
also
consider a law that holds the youngsters from after midnight journeys will restrain youngsters from utilizing unwanted substances that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
their valuable younger life.
For example
, there is a higher possibility of the addict for harmful things like drugs, cocaine, and heroin. Or force them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
unsuitable things with others.
Therefore
, as adults, we should emphasize why it is an import of such a law to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from roaming after midnight, considering their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to enforce a law for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
below 18 years of age from going out after twelve at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
. By considering the safety and block, involving with poisonous substances.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay TOEFL essay: People remember special gifts or presents that they have received. Why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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