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Young people in distributed economies tend to become violent causing distraction to life and property. Wha are the causes, impacts and remedies of such problem. v.2

Young people in distributed economies tend to become violent causing distraction to life and property. Wha are the causes, impacts and remedies of such problem. v. 2
It is undoubtedly true that, with the advent of globalisation demands of people are touching to the sky and money is the factor, which help the people to survive easily on earth. Nowadays, individuals confronting several issues that can cause serious harm to life. Hence, unbalanced economic status has dangerous impact on human life or not? Its a big matter of debate. In this essay, I am going to examine the possible reasons for this phenomenon, effects and suggest some proactive measures to eradicate this problem from society. To begin with, the first step is to understand why is this happening? There are varieties of factor are responsible, firstly, contemporary youth is facing the biggest issue; unemployment. This reasons they are unable to meet their basic necessities as well as their modern desire like smart phones, branded cars and other accessories. Therefore, lack of opportunities regarding earnings has great influence on life and they do act negatively. Moving ahead, this factor has grave consequences on human life. Frustrating lifestyles leads to breaking relationships between family members and they show aggressiveness in their behaviour. This factor resulting in detrimental influence on health like, person feel isolated and sometimes can suffer from some psychological problems like depression and anxiety. Moreover, when person are not satisfied from their needs, they do criminal act like stealing and robbery. It is certainly true that, every problem has several solutions. Mainly, government should provide job opportunities to masses to earn well for their life as well as meet their needs. Secondly, counselling by government to people more aware about how to solve dispute regarding money and rehabilitate the people by giving more information regarding life.
It is
undoubtedly
true that, with the advent of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
demands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are touching to the sky and money is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to survive
easily
on earth. Nowadays, individuals confronting several issues that can cause serious harm to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Hence
, unbalanced economic status has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
impact on human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
or not?
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
Its
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
matter of debate. In this essay, I am going to examine the possible reasons for this phenomenon, effects and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
proactive measures to eradicate this problem from society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
first
step is to understand why is this happening? There are varieties of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
are responsible,
firstly
, contemporary youth is facing the biggest issue; unemployment. This reasons they are unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
as well
as their modern desire like smart phones, branded cars and other accessories.
Therefore
, lack of opportunities regarding earnings has great influence on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they do act
negatively
.

Moving ahead, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
has grave consequences on human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Frustrating lifestyles leads to breaking relationships between family
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
members and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
aggressiveness in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
resulting in detrimental influence on health like, person feel isolated and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
can suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
psychological problems like depression and anxiety.
Moreover
, when person are not satisfied from their needs, they do criminal act like stealing and robbery.

It is
certainly
true that, every problem has several solutions.
Mainly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide job opportunities to masses to earn well for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their needs.
Secondly
, counselling by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more aware about how to solve dispute regarding money and rehabilitate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by giving more information regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Young people in distributed economies tend to become violent causing distraction to life and property. Wha are the causes, impacts and remedies of such problem. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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