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Space travel has been made sometime and people think that space tourism will be probably developed in the future. Do you think space travel would be a positive and negative development? v.2

Space travel has been made sometime and people think that space tourism will be probably developed in the future. Do you think space travel would be a positive and negative development? v. 2
Thanks to the emergence of state-of-the-art innovation, travelling beyond the Earth became possible and it is expected to gain the popularity in the next decades. This tendency will exert a double-edged impact, which I will discuss below. To begin with, people in favor of space travel point out its benefit in terms of leisure and exploration. In fact, the desire of discovering new things is inherent in humans’ thoughts; thus, outer space, which is full of interesting mysteries, is deemed as a potential destination for tourists. In other words, travelling through the universe may satisfy people’s unlimited demand on leisure thanks to its exceptional attractiveness. Another advantage can be reaped in the field of science. Indeed, such journeys provide crucial data of how people’s biological features change to adapt to the loss or modification of gravity, which cannot be collected precisely in casual experiments on the Earth. As human being has been dealing with many global challenges, threatening our existence, this information plays an important role in the urgent mission of exploring a potential alternative planet. On the other hand, the trend toward space travel also leads to several drawbacks. Indeed, it is inevitable that the adventure would release a substantial amount of space debris, making it more dangerous for spacecraft to transport. In addition, regarding to state-owned space travel projects, the exorbitant expenditure may exert a financial burden on the government. Therefore, it is can be seen that prioritizing the mission beyond the Earth over ones on the Earth, states may be constrained to fulfill requirements on resolving social issue, like welfare of public security. In brief, while not disavowing the benefits of aerospace travel, I believe that it is a negative development because the advantages cannot outweigh the disadvantages.
Thanks to the emergence of state-of-the-art innovation, travelling beyond the
Earth
became possible and it is
expected
to gain the popularity in the
next
decades. This tendency will exert a double-edged impact, which I will discuss below.

To
begin
with,
people
in favor of
space
travel
point out its benefit in terms of leisure and exploration. In fact, the desire of discovering new things is inherent in humans’ thoughts;
thus
, outer
space
, which is full of interesting mysteries,
is deemed
as a potential destination for tourists.
In other words
, travelling through the universe may satisfy
people
’s unlimited demand on leisure thanks to its exceptional attractiveness. Another advantage can
be reaped
in the field of science.
Indeed
, such journeys provide crucial data of how
people
’s biological features
change
to adapt to the loss or modification of gravity, which cannot
be collected
precisely
in casual experiments on the
Earth
. As human being has been dealing with
many
global challenges, threatening our existence, this information plays an
important
role in the urgent mission of exploring a potential alternative planet.

On the other hand
, the trend toward
space
travel
also
leads to several drawbacks.
Indeed
, it is inevitable that the adventure would release a substantial amount of
space
debris, making it more
dangerous
for spacecraft to transport.
In addition
,
regarding to
state-
owned
space
travel
projects, the exorbitant expenditure may exert a financial burden on the
government
.
Therefore
, it is can be
seen
that prioritizing the mission beyond the
Earth
over ones on the
Earth
, states may
be constrained
to fulfill requirements on resolving social issue, like welfare of public security.

In brief
, while not disavowing the benefits of aerospace
travel
, I believe that it is a
negative
development
because
the advantages cannot outweigh the disadvantages.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Space travel has been made sometime and people think that space tourism will be probably developed in the future. Do you think space travel would be a positive and negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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