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Young people in distributed economies tend to become violent causing distraction to life and property. Wha are the causes, impacts and remedies of such problem. v.1

Young people in distributed economies tend to become violent causing distraction to life and property. Wha are the causes, impacts and remedies of such problem. v. 1
The youth have been imitating behaviour of celebrities in the worldwide by paying the excessive amount of attention on the mass media over the last decades. In this essay I will consider the reason of this circumstance and provide several benefits and shortcomings of this habit. The mass media, which now has covered the whole world, inevitably influence young generations who regularly watch TV or read magazines. Some people argue that famous individuals achieved the peculiar amount of success and therefore, followers are motivated by them and desire to be successful. Another reason why ordinary people copy their idols is the society demonstrate a willingness to have the same kind of activities and to interact with each other. Michael Jackson, for example, was the legend not only in the pop music, but also in professional dancing, and the world, therefore, eventually accepted his dance as that person's style, and so nowadays more and more young dancers and singers attempt to follow his legendary way. The imitation several famous individuals has been acquired by most people having both positive and negative experiences. However, despite having several disadvantages such as black humour and sarcasm, the advantages of this skill could overcome the whole negative sides. As an example, this way is quite simple to make a friend in society, even to become popular in social networks like Instagram that could be a lucrative job. Furthermore, if people imitate someone's manner and style, and in the long run it leads them to be professional artists and to have future perspectives. To sum up, a number of people excessively follow the mass media and therefore tend to copy the manners of celebrities. However, this habit has a lot of benefits which could be fruitful in the long term.
The youth have been imitating
behaviour
of celebrities in the worldwide by paying the excessive amount of attention on the mass media over the last decades. In this essay I will consider the reason of this circumstance and provide several benefits and shortcomings of this habit.

The mass media, which
now
has covered the whole world,
inevitably
influence young generations who
regularly
watch
TV or read magazines.
Some
people
argue that
famous
individuals achieved the peculiar amount of success and
therefore
, followers
are motivated
by them and desire to be successful. Another reason why ordinary
people
copy their idols is the society demonstrate a willingness to have the same kind of activities and to interact with each other. Michael Jackson,
for example
, was the legend not
only
in the pop music,
but
also
in professional dancing, and the world,
therefore
,
eventually
accepted
his dance as that person's style, and
so
nowadays more and more young dancers and singers attempt to follow his legendary way.

The imitation several
famous
individuals has
been acquired
by most
people
having both
positive
and
negative
experiences.
However
, despite having several disadvantages such as black
humour
and sarcasm, the advantages of this
skill
could overcome the whole
negative
sides. As an example, this way is quite simple to
make
a friend in society, even to become popular in social networks like Instagram that could be a lucrative job.
Furthermore
, if
people
imitate someone's manner and style, and in the long run it leads them to be professional artists and to have future perspectives.

To sum up, a number of
people
excessively
follow the mass media and
therefore
tend to copy the manners of celebrities.
However
, this habit has
a lot of
benefits which could be fruitful in the long term.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Young people in distributed economies tend to become violent causing distraction to life and property. Wha are the causes, impacts and remedies of such problem. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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